Tonight, Matthew, I'll be posting as Danny Dyer


Imagine if some clever person invented a pill that once consumed is guaranteed to make a todger grow 1 inch. You only get one pill in each packet and they cost a tenner. How long do you think it would take before half the world is full of men proudly strutting around the place with ridiculously large plonkers?


P.S For equality, you can also imagine this scenario with milkers.


What and you can just keep having these pills indefinitely?


Yep depending on your cash flow. Lots of people aren’t going to stop at a few are they? It will be bedlam.


I think it would need to be properly policed


No policing, no rules.


There would be a lot of spiking and then people dragging around penises but not having enough blood to engorge them. Your engorgess, I’d do anything for you.


There’s no way back.


I swear there’s a Perry Bible Fellowship comic about this but I can’t find it.


Or they can engorge, but it causes them to pass out, like those goats that faint when they get excited.


Sorry, I’m not into that.


Do we think there might be a conversation to be had in how the desire to have a (much) bigger penis is largely driven by peer pressure/bragging rights/perceived status rather than being driven by desire from sexual partners or potential sexual partners?

Yeah, me neither.



Not exactly into gashwrecking territory with 6.3 inches, though, are we?

The relevant comparator would be asking men what their ideal penis size is, and it’d probably be closer to 63 inches.


Isn’t that just curiosity though? ‘I wonder what a bigger one would be like’


Oh just read the article and they were picking a regular dildo and then one for a treat basically?


The difference between the preferred size for a one night stand and a long term relationship was only 3mm, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.


0.1 inch difference between the one night stand and long term partner preference. 0.1 inch! Reckon any given penis fluctuates by more than that based on temperature of the room, tiredness of penis-wielder, phase of the moon etc.


Yeah that’s ridiculous. So really they picked two almost identical todgers. I doubt the average bored housewife sits there thinking ‘I’d love an extra 3mm inside me’


This is all very interesting gents but I was more interested in fictional scenarios where you go to your local cornershop one day and then the next day the man comes out from behind the counter with the tip visible from the bottom of his farahs.