Tv Show Ideas



Spend Christmas morning at Crinkley Bottom with an increasingly embittered Noel Edmonds, as he decides to stop travelling the country to hand out seasonal cheer to unsung heroes and terminally ill children. “Fuck them”, sneers Noel, who has decided to shut out the outside world and barricade himself inside his stately home with only several crates of Famous Grouse whisky for company. “It’s not as if they ever fucking keep in touch afterwards, the ungrateful bastards”, slurs Noel, from his armchair in the gloomily lit Great Hall, surrounded by empty takeaway cartons and his own filth.

Light relief is provided by Tony Blackburn and Bella Emberg turning up at the front door to run through a laboured joke centred around a turkey.


Could be a thread in ‘bizarre local favourites’ but I don’t know if anything will be as completely average and massively revered as Henderson’s Relish


wanna start the thread?


Masterchef but they have to catch the ingredients with their bare hands


Barcode slideshow


not really, you can do the honours




*bear hands


Robson Green’s Extreme Listing

Robson Green has to recite shopping lists suspended above a ravine or at gunpoint etc


Ant & Dec: PJ’s and Dunkin

And and Dec do a gogglebox style show in their pyjamas with milk and cookies.


The Thompsons


Episode 1 features Robson trying to successfully recall the contents of the Davies’ family from Lincoln’s weekly shop while being dangled by the ankles from the leaning tower of Pisa.


I’d watch this



Presented by Judith Chalmers and Johnny Rotten, the travel series for ageing punks looking to spend their hard-earned butter advert money returns. This week, Rat Scabies takes in the slopes of St Mauritz while Jimmy Pursey reports from a Kenyan game reserve.



Anne Diamond, Nick Owen and Robin Williams present another edition of cosy lifestyle features and celebrity gossip live from Laos. Today’s special guest is Ed Sheeran who drops in to discuss his latest album, an interview which comes to a premature end when the studio is subjected to a barrage of gunfire from the Viet Kong.



(3/8) Children’s puppet show following the exploits of a spittle-spreading construction worker. This week, half of Pob’s workforce walks out on the job after being copiously gobbed on by their saliva-sprinkler boss, leaving Pob with an uphill struggle to finish a kitchen extension with limited funds remaining.

Kevin McCloud narrates, barely able to conceal his growing anger at the cost-cutting measures and shoddy workmanship on display.



Live from Western Thailand, Nick Knowles introduces another round of the bridge-building game show. Two teams of celebrities try to beat the clock - and the attempts of saboteurs - to construct a crossing made from only raw materials that can be sourced in the local vicinity.

This week, Andi Peters and Keeley Hawes’ attempts to cheat their way to completion are thwarted when their consignment of timber from the Bangkok branch of Jewsons fails to arrive, due to being hijacked by US commandos.



Stephen Mulhern presents another round of the say-what-you-see gameshow in which crudely-animated funster Mr Chips re-enacts Tory policies of the 1980s. What’s Mr Chips doing in this Thatch-phrase? Why, he’s cutting free milk in schools and attempting to ban promotion of homosexuality! Oh, Mr Chips, you wag!

Series highlights include Mr Chips selling off large state utilities to private companies, buying some second-hand Trident submarines and eventually having the shit kicked out of him by several animated irate miners from Rotherham.



Ye olde 17th century sitcom. Samuel (David Mitchell) is incandescent with rage when he finds out that the 1st Earl of Sandwich (Robert Webb) has sneaked a peek in his diary. Will the Earl let slip about Samuel’s number of extramarital liaisons with various women to Pepys’ wife, Elisabeth Dobbee?


Monkey tennis?