Under what circumstances would you kill a parrot?


#1

Asking for my Nan.


#2

If it was guarding the pine nuts I needed to feed my starving family.


#3

Surely no court in the land would convict you.


#4

I would set one on fire if it was suffering


#5

If no one was looking.


#6

Most


#7

if I was starving and there was literally no other food. or it a) had gone mental and was attacking me / my family or b) was badly injured and needed putting out of its misery

these are the ONLY circumstances under which I would kill a parrot, thank you for asking


#8

There are no circumstances under which I’d kill a parrot. I’d have no choice but to hand in my junior detective badge if I did, and that’s a price I’m not willing to pay.


#9

I would get one professionally euthanised if it was suffering.

I would punch one in the head if it slagged me off verbally.


#10

If I’d read my email password out loud and it started repeating it and I’d already turned my laptop off. Minimum effort wins every time.


#11

If it was a twat.


#12

came here to post a pine nut related joke

Probably kill a parrot if it shat on my stone cottage


#13

If it was badmouthing me and/or those dearest to me.


#14

If I suspected it was working for the nazis


#15

If it was a Brexit wanker