Asking for my Nan.
If it was guarding the pine nuts I needed to feed my starving family.
Surely no court in the land would convict you.
I would set one on fire if it was suffering
If no one was looking.
if I was starving and there was literally no other food. or it a) had gone mental and was attacking me / my family or b) was badly injured and needed putting out of its misery
these are the ONLY circumstances under which I would kill a parrot, thank you for asking
There are no circumstances under which I’d kill a parrot. I’d have no choice but to hand in my junior detective badge if I did, and that’s a price I’m not willing to pay.
I would get one professionally euthanised if it was suffering.
I would punch one in the head if it slagged me off verbally.
If I’d read my email password out loud and it started repeating it and I’d already turned my laptop off. Minimum effort wins every time.
If it was a twat.
If it was badmouthing me and/or those dearest to me.
If I suspected it was working for the nazis
If it was a Brexit wanker