Unethical life hacks

Do you have any?

My main one is as a woman/female presenting person, if a man is ever hassling me for something (be it work or whatever), I’ll just start crying and every single time they’ll leave me alone. For at least two hours. And if they ask again after that time frame and I’m not ready I’ll just start crying again. Rinse and repeat. Works without fail. You could argue this is emotional manipulation, but I would counter that by saying it’s my God given right to use the patriarchy against itself.

Second one I enjoy a lot is if I’m having a conversation I don’t want to have, I’ll stare at a certain part of the other person’s face. Frown a bit. Flicker back to the eyes but always go back to that one point. It makes them think they have something on their face so again, they’ll leave to find a mirror.

I am a terrible person btw I’ve never denied this.

Tell me yours please. Let’s be awful together.

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That second one sounds like something you’d have to do in Monkey Island to make a character leave the room so you can steal their keys :smile:

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Wear big headphones and always carry a bottle of water - people are less likely to talk to you if you have headphones on but on the off chance that they do, take a big gulp of water and tilt your head back until you are safely past the interaction zone.

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if you don’t open Whatsapp up and just see the message on the phone notification bit I don’t think it marks as read? That way you can safely ignore people if you don’t want to deal with them

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Good sentence

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wear a hi viz jacket then you can go anywhere you want without being questioned

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Tell any charity door knockers, street teams etc who approach me that I’m already signed up so they leave me alone while giving me a big “well done!” style smile I earned purely by deception

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Cans/bottles of Special Brew or Frosty Jack will almost always secure you a safety buffer of seating in most situations. Or attract other Special Brew and Frosty Jack users, in which case your back-up Bible and/or Good News will be required.

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I don’t think that’s the smile they’re giving you :thinking:

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OH! I also tell any charity people in the street who try and grab my attention (which always fucking happens, I must have an approachable face) “I’m really sorry, I’m seventeen! Do you have an email or anything?”
They just wander off. They know I’m not seventeen, I have worry lines and am covered in silly tattoos, but they can’t accuse me of lying [taps nose]

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i do this myself from time to time, big fan. :slight_smile:

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you could probably sub in other untrue statements like “sorry, i’m out of the country right now!”, or “sorry, i’m a vole!”

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Once again lopes you’re a hero amongst men

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Really laughing to myself imagining someone trying to approach me and me barking back “I’M EVER SO SORRY, I AM MERELY A MIRAGE”

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In two jobs I’ve pretended to be deaf in one ear to give me an excuse for ignoring people. Just ended up being shouted at

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Terribly sorry, friend. Don’t speak English do I?

a la Big Train

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When I get a charity door knocker I just revert to saying “sorry I’m busy working at the moment”

It’s kind of true I guess, or conceivably could be true. Always works anyway

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Oh, carrying a tantruming kid is fucking great for this stuff.
Almost worth having them after all!

Almost

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Shortly after I moved in, a neighbour chapped my door and asked if I wanted to be added to the neighbourhood WhatsApp but I told her I was sorry and that I dodn’t have my phone on me so she went away.

If you’re going on a train or coach and don’t want people to sit next to you then bring or buy an obnoxious lunch, ideally something smelly, and get it out as soon as you get on so people sit elsewhere

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