Unwanted gifts

This afternoon is fine.

Here’s a list of some of what’s in my drawer:

Candles, so many candles
Body lotion, so many body lotion.
A Jamie Oliver recipe book.
Gone off flavoured hot chocolate
Mugs, at least 3.
Chocolate coins (silver)
Off-brand mascara
Pub Quiz question cards
Bars of soap (???)
About 5 body shop body butters.

This elephant


I used to go to great efforts to get unwanted gifts for my cousin on his birthday. These included, but were not limited to:

  • 26 children’s plastic chairs. I saw a deal on HotUKDeals where they were being sold at 11p per chair, getting rid of stock or something. I ordered 99, which was the maximum that was allowed through the system, but they only had 26 in stock.
  • A £25 Tesco order of items that cost 10p or less with the ‘no plastic bags please’ option checked.
  • A lifesized cardboard cutout of a horse. They weren’t in when it arrived unfortunately, so it got taken to the parcel collection point. When they went to pick it up, it was so big there was no way they would ever be able to fit it in their car, so they left it there. Didn’t even open it. Got returned to sender in the end.
  • Ross Kemp clock etc.
  • I ordered a custom trophy with “<cousin’s name> Paedo Of The Year” engraved on it (purile, I know). He didn’t know what to do with it, so ended up donating it to a charity shop rather than throwing it away. I love the idea that there’s a charity shop out there trying to sell this very specific trophy, perhaps even to this day.

Season 8 of Charmed on DVD. I don’t watch Charmed and I don’t have seasons 1-7, but someone thought I’d appreciate this gift.

I think I’ve actually still got it somewhere.


Any teachers on here? You guys know ALL about unwanted gifts.

I do remember one year towards the end of my Mamgu’s innings that for Christmas she bought both of my brothers a multi-pack of Co-op own brand chocolate wafer sticks and I got a multi-pack of Kit-Kats. Still bring that one up now and again as unquestionable proof that I was the favourite.

Not meant as a reply to Spadunk

none taken!


Got a half-eaten box of After Eights once.

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Religious uncle once bought me this:

Stayed on my shelf with the spine turned inwards until I moved and threw it out.

Mrs HYG gets the best stuff, also religiously inspired. When she had her bat mitvah, her born-again uncle gave her a set of Left Behind books, stories explicitly about how non-Christians will go to hell. It’s the only recorded time in her family’s history that her grandmother got angry with the uncle.

However, the grandmother also gives inspired gifts, including this, which will make you both cry, and salivate!


My Amazon suggestions are going to be fucked for months now.

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I have half a kitchen cupboard full of different patés that my dad put in our annual Christmas hampers full of junk he finds in Aldi

I’m not going to moan about the multiple unwanted Jamie Oliver books I’ve been given now. Fuuuuuucking hell.

Jesus and I thought this belter from my dad was bad:



Got a copy of The Secret floating around somewhere. The audiobook (I literally never listen to audiobooks anyway, certainly not going to start with this).

A Man Utd iPhone cover (which would be great if I had an iPhone - the assumption was that all phones are the same size. It’s also probably a bootleg. Also I’m not a fullkit wanker).

A football shirt with my name on it (decent indeed, if it wasn’t a size XXL. I’m L, maybe M if I’m in shape).

something hilarious about “leave in the smallest room of the house”


Anyone want to pick a Cambscuisine restaurant for me to spend some vouchers in? @83746725?

what’d you actually get?

I don’t want to talk about it.