We need to talk about wadders


It has come to my attention that some “people” (animals, more like), instead of tearing off a couple of sheets of toilet paper and folding them, grab a huge number of sheets and wad them all up, before using them to what I can only imagine amounts to scrubbing their arse, rather than actually wiping it.

The agony uncle here claims he used TWENTY-SIX sheets of toilet paper JUST FOR HIS INITIAL WIPE! I was happy to see most of the people in the comments find this abhorrent.

Any other wadding, scrubbing freaks want to make themselves known?


You plonker.


I don’t use 26 but I use more than 2. Maybe 6-8.

Sometimes in the work toilets I hear people wiping and it sounds like they are wiping back-and-forth (more akin to scrubbing). Find that pretty weird tbh


Some people are afraid of their own bumhole, I reckon.


Waddever next!


I do three wipes of three pieces each, then a more rigorous stand-up scrub of 4-6 sheets dependend on the severity of the job.

I used to do just a couple of stand up wipes, but then i worked in a place with a full-length mirror and so started getting a bit…anal (injoke there) about it. Most supposedly grown-up people are actually missing blobs of shit or even worse smearing it all over their arse, completely obvivious to it more often than not.

The first wipe is essentially a grab, the second’s a precautionary grab/wipe, the third’s mainly concentrating on the lips of the anus, then the stand-up scrub’s just in case, generally unecessary but occasionally worthwhile.

Congratulations, you’re all now adults.


Yeah, it’s the idea of scrubbing probably more than the huge volume of paper that I find disturbing. How you can have any control or finesse with a boxing glove of loo roll to deal with?


Adults don’t stand up, come on now.


stand up scrub?


That’s not what i’ve said. Three sit-down wipes, one stand-up scrub to finish. Look, mate, if you want to go round with a shitty arse you carry on, i’m not judging…


^part of his stand up routine


I do a mix of standing up and sitting down, but with more of the former. Has worked fine so far.


Fair enough, just don’t really understand the point of a stand-up effort if your sitting attempts were adequate. You’re cutting off access with a stand, it’s only going to be less effective.


I’m not, mate, i’m bent right over the sink. It’s essentially a wipe powered by two fingers for more purchase around the anal lips. There’s no shit left.


surely it all depends what you produce ? I mean a number 4 on the stool chart might be quite a clean exit. Where as if you do a 7 it’s gonna be all up your back when you wipe if you use 1 sheet.


But no matter how loose and foul your stool may be, a wad of TP is no better for clean up than an accurate, folded effort.


Nah. Think about it. No one’s cleaning up bum gravy with a little folded origami project. Get in there with a massive handful.


You go in there with a fucking snowball of paper, you’re only going to spread that shit further around. You have zero control! Two or three sheets, folded to the size of a single sheet, is more than enough to do initial damage limitation, before you hone in with subsequent attempts.



More importantly, I learned recently that someone I know wipes from the back to the front. The other folk who learned this at the same time all agreed that this was deviant behaviour. Can we all agree that front to back is the correct methodology?