Wedding ring question (you don’t need to be married to answer)

A couple - person A & person B - have been married for 5 or 6 years

Person A has never worn their wedding ring other than for very special occasions as, in their words, ’It’s far too expensive and precious to risk losing or damaging it’

Person B has never taken their wedding ring off since it was placed upon their finger during the wedding ceremony

If person B decided to stop wearing their wedding ring would it be hypocritical of person A to complain or read too much into?

If person A was devastated that person B had removed their ring would that mean that person B’s longstanding suspicion that person A’s reluctance to regularly wear the ring was more than just a practical consideration, be justified?

Discuss (rings, symbols, marriage, belonging, ownership, signalling or whatever you like)

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Person A is the asshole.

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Hypocritical yeah but I can imagine thinking oooh has B’s opinion changed in some way.

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i’d think it but i wouldn’t say anything because that would be a dickish thing if i refused to wear my own

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If person B had a conversation with person A first along the lines of “you’re right, these are expensive and precious and I’m with you on this, so I’m going to stop wearing it too,” then everything should be fine and dandy. If person A then gets stroppy at that point, that’s a bit of an eyebrow raiser.

(Does depend a little bit on the relative value of each ring mind)

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So my situation is very similar to that described here; I wear my wedding ring all the time, have done for the last 10 years. I only took it off when I broke my elbow because of swelling, but I moved it to my right hand when I did and it’s still there. My partner never wears hers, despite having her original cheap one upgraded massively (no shade here, she did it with family heirloom stuff and it’s really nice), for pretty much the reasons detailed above.

I think if I were to suddenly stop wearing mine she’d be suspicious. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair that she would be, but she would and I can understand why, though I’d hope that an explanation as to why would suffice.

I’m not sure person B can infer why person A isn’t wearing their ring from the removal of person B’s ring, though I can definitely see how person B gets there. I also don’t think it’s fair of person A to be super-pissed about it, though I can understand how they arrive at that too. It’s a nightmare because it’s very hard to unpick. You can’t see into the black box of someone else’s head no matter how close you are, and there’s so much about expected behaviour and the value of signals.

I don’t know, it sounds like there’s more conversation to be had between the parties about what the value of the ring as signifier is, and how it relates to their commitment. I know that I would be, as a B, wanting to make my case pretty solidly, but also it would have to open the door to a further conversation because that’s not on from person A, in my opinion.

Tl;dr I defer to @ruffers

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Think if I tried bottling something like that up I’d end up having a full meltdown within a month :sweat_smile:

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One of the reasons I was been advised to not get wedding rings made of 24 carat gold. 24 carat is also the softest gold (because it gets mixed with harder metals to make the lower carat golds) so wears a lot more.

I’d say it all depends on the reasons for both decisions. If person A (subconciously or not) also wanted to give the impression at times of not being married maybe? Or if person B’s decision was also for similar reasons. A lot of that goes a lot deeper than wearing a ring though.

Depends on the price difference in your rings.

There are other reasons for not wearing a ring though, and while those are the big ones to jump to in some cases (speaking from experience) it can be as simple as wanting to wear other rings instead. I think that if it’s a big enough signal that it causes an issue then it needs to be discussed, but a ring is a ring at the end of the day. It’s not actually your marriage, it’s a signifier of it. If someone takes that signifier off their finger but still keeps it and treasures it, they aren’t necessarily doing so out of a desire to be duplicitous.

Got to flag up the fact here that I don’t really get the whole ring thing, so I’m able to be quite analytical about it but I know that it’s not the case for everyone, so take what I say with a pinch of weirdly distanced salt.

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No, person A would be justified in being concerned about the change in person B’s behaviour

No, it would mean that person A is concerned about what changed that meant that person B decided to stop wearing it. It doesn’t mean that A had the same reason for not wearing theirs as B had for stopping wearing theirs.

And obviously it’s not really about the rings

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Might start wearing a wedding ring despite not being married. Married people think they own that finger, well I’ve got news for you married folk – you DON’T.

awkwardly tries to raise ring finger at people in an attempt at an offensive gesture

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Pro tip; hold down your first and middle fingers with your thumb

just while we’re here.

a dude with a ring on BOTH ring fingers

  • classy af - i want this for you xylo
  • lol alright frank butcher

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Is your right hand ring finger even called a ring finger?

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i was JUST thinking this you know.

Mine is, because it’s got my ring on it!

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I’m skeptical!

Well, exactly, which is why I said it depends on the reasons.

But having had first hand experience of being in a marriage where the other person stopped wearing the ring, an undiscussed change in the symbolism that’s being shown is cause for concern

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I could just be playing fast and loose with the rules, tbh