Weddings (polls & chat)

So I’m going to keep the polls here anonymous as I have no idea who on here is and isn’t married and now many DiSers attended said weddings (saiddings)?

But, prompted by both the stress of saving for and arranging a wedding, and that of involvement in a few others recently, I was recently pulled up by one of my friends on what he saw as my bad attitude towards some mutual friends’ weddings and I want to work out, basically, whether I’m just a grumpy arsehole (and also get a measure for what I can get away with for my own wedding, safety wink.

First up: You’re in the wedding party. The happy couple have a very specific idea of what they want you to wear - we’re talking a bright purple waistcoat, or a specific shape of shoe, not stuff you’d necessarily have in your wardrobe. Maybe you’re a bridesmaid.

  • Should be built into the wedding budget
  • Perfectly acceptable to expect the groomsmen and bridesmaids to pay for their own clothes

0 voters

Secondly: Destination Weddings

  • Fair play, it’s what my friends want to so I’ll stump up the cash
  • It’s a no from me dawg

0 voters

Should be willing to pay for their ridiculous requests, as a second best option after binning off the whole ludicrous affair and nipping down to the registry office at lunch time and make hiring a room out at a pub for the reception at most.

I’m not trolling.


Thirdly: Multi-day stag weekends in foreign countries

  • Get fucked, that’s gonna bankrupt me
  • Absolutely, let’s HAVE IT LARGE IN PRAGUE
  • Depends on the person tbh

0 voters

I’d travel somewhere in the UK, most likely, but I’m not doing something in the Dominican Republic or anything silly like that.

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“Perfectly acceptable”? I suppose by social convention then if the bride and groom want you to wear something you stump up the cash yourself (because I guess it’s a honour and all that jazz).

I’d be dead in the cold, cold ground before I asked anyone to do the same thing for me mind you.


This is basically where I’m at. I

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Got quite a lot of respect for the colleague who requested a half day off to get married to his partner of 15 years. The boss said “…you can have a whole day, it’s your wedding day” and he said nah.


I think the approach people take to their own weddings invariably reveals a great deal about their character. Are they generous, considerate people who take into account the circumstances of their friends, or do they use the excuse of their ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ day to reveal how self-obsessed, competitive and inconsiderate they are?

To be fair they also reveal something about the guests. In my case, a cynic with misanthropic tendencies who doesn’t like being told what to do.


Honestly find all this sort of wedding stuff incomprehensible. I thought maybe people had moved on from this stuff but clearly not.


Nearly snorted coffee out of my nose on this.

we bought all of the bridesmaids and groomsman’s gear for our wedding, i just presumed that was the norm unless you couldn’t afford to, in which i wouldn’t expect them to be stumping up for it

also @Owensmaterob tell us more about the shoes they’ve asked you to get to go with that fucking hideous waistcoat?


It’s diamond engagement rings that does it for me. People lining up to get mugged off ffs.


My cousins gift request was to bring a bottle of booze of your own choosing and a mixologist will make you cocktails of it all night which I think is THE BEST IDEA. I’m so into this. Gonna get smashed on margs in front of my nan!


To offset some of the wedding negativity above I just want to say that going to a wedding of a really close friend and having a great party with some of your favourite people is one of the best things ever.


I’m usually pretty sanguine about what other people want to do for their weddings, but then I only tend to go to weddings these days of people I really want to be part of their day. I’ve been to too many where I’m not really sure why I was invited and found the whole thing way too awkward.

When my ex and I got married we asked people to make a donation to a charity rather than giving us presents. We still got absolutely indundated with gifts :man_shrugging:


I think it’s expected that guests would pay for all their own stuff, so like @GEOFF said it’s acceptable in that sense. But actually asking people to get such unusual things is a pretty dickish move

Destination weddings are different because if you’re gonna bother with the whole “special day” jazz then why not do it exactly the way you want to. As long as you don’t get annoyed at anyone who can’t make it, again if you do that then :warning:


Ours was (based on these polls)

  • I supplied a tie linking the party. Their own blue suits for everyone else (but made sure all owned a blue suit first)
  • Furthest somebody travelled was from Leeds to the South Coast. For most, it’s was less than an hour away
  • Stag do was no more than an hour travel for most and an afternoon and evening. involved a BBQ, some footgolf at the local golf club, some beers in a brewery and nice food in a Belgian place. People made it as cheap or expensive as they wanted. There was no obligation to stay for the full day.
  • Gift requests were donations to our honeymoon if people wanted to, but not explicitly required.

Nearly all of this falls under “would be happy to do it for my dear, dear friends but would feel absolutely awful about asking any of my dear, dear friends to do the same for me”