Weddings: The Anecdote Thread

Hi. Got my sister’s wedding on Friday so will be drinking for the first time in a looooong time. Also going to have t teach a room of English folk how to do the Gay Gordons and the Dashing White Sargent, so that’ll be fun!

Any fun anecdotes from attending weddings worth a laugh on here?

At my own, in Canada, following the completion of dinner I was beginning to dance when the caterer came up to me to complain that my payment for the food, made five days earlier, hadn’t gone through. I, obviously, didn’t have any money on me, and the rest of my family only had cash as we were running the bar. So my uncle had to put the whole cost on his credit Crd as they literally wouldn’t leave me without being paid.

On my wedding night.

I complained afterwards about it and they shrugged. Later we found out from the bed and breakfast we were staying at that the telephone line had gone down in the town in rural Ontario, meaning all car payments had been not getting through.

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I let off an absolutely horrendously smelly fart on the dancefloor at my cousin’s wedding earlier this year.

See also my small hours naked hotel roaming at my other cousin’s wedding a few years back.

Emotional day even the cake was in tears at the problematic dance names

“I’d like to thank xyz for their cunts” is what you hear when the groom’s mic cuts out halfway through saying the word ‘constant’.

It’s been mentioned in a speech at every wedding he’s been a guest at since.


Going to an ATD’s wedding next week. Four days of it, mixed wedding party, half American, half Irish. Two day trips to rural Cork and the stag party as well. It’s going to get really fucking messy.

Towards the end of an exceptionally boozy wedding last year we all jumped into the hotel pool (while wearing pants obvs, we’re not deviants). After about quarter of an hour I noticed another guest drunkenly trying to put my trousers on. I got out of the pool and we had a moderately heated row in which I asked him, repeatedly and firmly, to return my trousers, which he eventually did.

The next morning he came up to me looking ad sheepish as I have ever seen another human look. He had, at some stage in proceedings, managed to lose his own trousers. Having been told in no uncertain terms by his wife that he had to put on trousers he panicked and tried to put on the first pair he found. I don’t think he recovered his trousers.


“We’ve all been there mate”

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-Brides brothers started a fist fight with groom and his brothers that descended into a brawl. Wedding restarted and succesfully completed 1hr later.

-Someone forgot the wood for the big fire thingy (indian wedding), so my uncle (who for some reason has an axe in the boot of his car), chopped down a small tree and saved the day.

-Priest lost his Cherry red blackberry bold. Paused the wedding until it was found.


Last wedding I went to the best man actually fired out the emotional day; cakes in tiers line.

For his speech after he’d done all that shit, he went all out on one anecdote. One. All eggs in that one basket. The anecdote made no sense and none of us knew what went on in it. Great stuff mate.

Two uni friends, who met on their history course, got married. They named the wedding tables after various historical figures. The groom’s friends from back home in Essex were on the “King Knut” table, obviously.

I was on the miscellaneous table. Fine. An elderly gentleman on my table commented that this was clearly the miscellaneous table. I, being quite drunk and also, y’know, a twat, loudly replied “better than being sat with those bunch of Knuts over there!!!”

It was then that I noticed his clerical collar.





If anyone ever asked me to be their best man this is exactly what I would do. Intentionally.

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Ha, fair enough.

(One thing to his credit was having the sense to make his speech < 10 minutes but it still felt like forever)

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Don’t keep us in suspense. What historical character was assigned to the miscellaneous table?

At my uni friend’s wedding, I told the best man (another uni friend) that I wanted to fuck him. In those words.

Strangely enough, I haven’t heard from him since the wedding


Groom: ‘I’d like to thank the bridesmaids for helping the bride look even more beautiful that she really is’.

He didn’t mean this of course and just got his words wrong. Hysterical laughter and he was mortified.

A different wedding and an absolute twat of a bride ‘I’d like to thank the bridesmaids for not looking too good’.

Church wedding and the minister gives a lengthy speech about evolution being a bunch of crap - to an audience of mostly doctors and scientists.


William the Bastard

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My best man’s speech was really poor. Rambling, loads of references that needed painstaking explanations, weak punchlines… but he tried his best, bless him.

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