Weddings: The Anecdote Thread

Last wedding I went to Best man spoke for like 40 minutes

15 minutes about lads lads lads stag do in Ibiza
10 minutes about the groom shitting himself at uni (he even pulled out a ‘soiled’ underwear to give to the bride)
15 minutes about how football was gonna come home (it was on the evening of the Eng-Swe WC2018 game)

Bride looked FUMING

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Yeah I had 2 best men and one of their speeches was like this. I mean I knew it would be a bit of trial, because he’s an idiot, but about 75% of the speech only 10% of the room would’ve understood. Really poor quality stuff.

At my wedding we hired a DJ who, it turned out, had aspirations to be a singer. We were somewhat surprised when he plugged in a mic and started singing along (badly) to the songs he was playing. We asked him to stop. He continued. We pointed out that we had not paid for, nor wanted, a wedding singer. He laid off for a few minutes, until it sounded like he had started again - but there was no sight of him. We found him hiding underneath his own decks, still singing. We asked him to stop. At the next opportunity, when his back was turned, we stole his microphone. He started to cry, and threatened to stop the party if we did not return it.

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:smiley: oh myyyyyy god, what a plum.

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Awful. Absolutely awful.

Still it genuinely sounds better than the worst one I’ve heard about. My mate had to go to a wedding a few years back for a well-to-do friend of his who was marrying a neurosurgeon. 2 best men (with Powerpoint) totalling about 45 minutes or so just going through his achievements in his work and how generally impressive he was.

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Best man at a wedding I was at a few years ago got a guitar out mid speech. As if that was bad enough, he forgot the lines of the song he’d wrote about a quarter of the way through. Was bloody awful.

Brilliant, brilliant stuff

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I’d have found that hilarious tbh

The vicar at my wedding went on for ages about the Greek word agape. Something to do with unconditional, charitable love…which is nice, but he went on and on…

Best man finished his speech with “…and that’s all I’ve got. Sorry to cut it fairly short, I had this whole section on the Greek word agape but…”

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First wedding of my uni friendship group, a couple of years post-uni. Our friend, “A”, who isn’t really our friend, but we kind of felt sorry for him and we never seemed to shake off, decides after a few drinks that now is the perfect time to confess his love for our friend “B”. I think he literally uses the words “I’m single, you’re single, why wouldn’t we?”, which is just so romantic. She rebuffs him, but he’s persistent, eventually giving him the full “I DON’T EVEN LIKE YOU AS A PERSON, NONE OF US DO”. We all tried to keep on top of this unfolding drama as we enjoyed the party, but it ended with A and B having to get a cab back to the hotel together, with a third friend literally sitting between them, keeping up impressive light small talk and while A and B ignored each other. When we got up the next morning, A had already gone home, even though everyone had planned to hang out that day.

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That sounds like my sister’s husband. He’s an Elvis impersonater and gets irked when he hasn’t been hired to sing, but to spin 80s pop dressed as Las Vegas Elvis.

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Speeches are a weird barometer. I have a reputation amongst friends for being terrible at telling jokes/being intentionally funny in person. So much so…that they argued I should add in “am I right?” after every awkward pause following an unfunny joke (which, whilst practicing, was kind of funny itself). I also wrote my speech the night before, so they had no faith.

But, even if I say so myself, I actually pulled it off and got all the right reactions at the right times. Granted, I had decent source material (my first compliment to my wife was “I wouldn’t say you’re unattractive” because she wasn’t single and I was scared of interfering) but I found the (admittedly cheesy) trick is to just stick to sentiments you truly mean, don’t get bogged down by what you “think” you should say.

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These all sound like weddings I would have killed to be a witness to.

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This is absolutely 100% spot on

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This takes place at a Canadian wedding, on the lakes outside of Montreal three years ago. I had been bricking it ahead of doing a best man’s speech.

My nerves comprised of the following factors, first ever wedding speech, lack of public speaking experience, dying on my arse and/or jokes getting lost in translation. Luckily it was well received and I proceeded to drink copious amounts of whatever was in reach to celebrate and quash remaining nerves.

Fast forward one to two hours later and this has all hit me like a Eurostar. Went out for a cigarette and on returning realised my jacket was missing. Memory was already fuzzy and I was struggling to recall where I may have left it. It was dark by this point so I went back outside with phone torch into the nearby forest to hunt. The next 30-45 minutes were spent rooting around the undergrowth, getting covered in every stain the Quebec forests had to offer.

Came back inside to my bemused friends and jacket that I’d chucked on the wrong chair.

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Mate of mine involved in the traditional butter eating challenge

image

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Stuff like this, while objectively hilarious, makes me terrified of having a wedding.

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Oh yeah, it’s only looking back on it that we can appreciate the absurdity and humour in it.

At the time I was absolutely raging (I vaguely recall an exchange that culminated in me angrily telling him to shut the fuck up and just play Come on Eileen).

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At my sister’s wedding, my brother in law (ie the groom) decided he wanted to do a speech, but was so overcome with emotion he literally just stood there and wept for five minutes, then sat down. People kept applauding him and encouraging him, but he just couldn’t get a single word out. One of the best speeches I’ve ever seen.

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Sounds like it was an emotional day.

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