Thanks for this. I’m giving my first ever best man speech on Saturday. I’ve got a lot of advice from a lot of people, but that’s definitely the best so far.
Went to a wedding recently where the groom choked up several times and struggled to get his words out.
Fortunately, the crowd got behind him
and offered words of support
Unfortunately, his name is Tim
Got to the church to find someone had spray painted an enormous cock and balls on the road outside. Don’t think the bride was too amused when I said to her “Fair play, you’ve really thought of everything”.
one of my uncles gave a very memorable and graphic speech at another uncle’s wedding about how as teenagers, they’d decided to hunt a rabbit to cook, managed eventually to shoot one, then after much further difficulty worked out how to skin, gut and cook it (ineptly)… and it was horrible
Heh. I had this at my wedding, but about the time I shit myself on holiday (on my birthday). The shorts he got me were a fucking XXL though, the cheeky bastard.
Reckon the old folks on my wife’s side of the family would’ve been outraged which is additionally funny.
Webt to a wedding where the groom and best man were working class lads who had made shit loads in financial services. The BM speech was basically just the phrase “who would have thought that a lad from Greenock would be standing here today in his own country mansion toasting his bride with a fine champagne from his own vineyard…” etc etc, said again and again in slightly differently terms for ages and ages. Truly truly barf worthy stuff.
I got married a few weeks ago. The staff at the venue thought it would be nice to sneak into our room and leave some chocolates and a couple of mini bottles of bubbles in there. Unfortunately they locked the door behind them, and the key was in my jeans in the room. We discovered this at 4.30am when we tried to retire for the evening, and ended up having to share a single bed in a different room with 4 other people in it.
Still shudder when I remember my cousin in law making a cocaine joke in his best man speech right in front of my great aunt and uncle. Thankfully they didn’t have a clue what he was on about.
At one of my atd’s weddings, the father of the groom gave a long, meandering speech about the Orbit (where the wedding & reception took place) being an alien-built giant corkscrew for an intergalactic bottle of champagne, or something. Apparently the whole Olympic Park was designed and built by this alien race to celebrate one of their own weddings. I think he was joking.
You don’t even need a corkscrew for Champagne, his story is ridiculous.
I’ll add another one. I have probably told this story elsewhere on here. Throughout uni we had in ur group of friends a guy who tried his best to toe the line between being like us (drinking, our libido and drugs) but he couldn’t reconcile that with his beliefs in god.
Anyway, in around 3rd year he discovered the chrisian union, and then a church, and later his now wife of eight y ears, good work him.
At his wedding one of his oldest friends had been asked to be his best man. when we were at his stag all his church mates ended up in one group and we, the “loutish” uni lot, and this one school friend, ended up in the other group, and of course I told storys of him stoned out of his mind and his hands down the pants of people in clubs when blitzed. I also expressed that this would not make it into the speech.
anyway, just before the speeches he said “don’t worry, I’ve got a plan” and then he stood up in front of 300 people, many memebers of his faith, and his wife’s faith (her family are from Africa* and very church base with uncles and stuff actual ministers, her father a tribal leader) and began to tell the story of how, last night, after they had the aftrican ceremonial dances, they stopped off at asda to buy condoms.
of the 20 tables, only one was laughing uproariously, and it was me. he didn’t manage to get the room back from that. after he finished, he looked like he’d just killed a man, so I bought him a drink.
*I’m being unspecific here on “Africa” because of secrecy reasons.
Maosm beat me to it
Was a guest at a wedding where the catering staff were walking around with metal trays containing not full onion bhajis but just the crispy outside bits.
On the night of my sister’s wedding, I woke up at 4am desperately needing a wee. I stumbled out of bed in my boxers and half blind without glasses or contact lenses and burst into the en suite.
As I pulled the door shut behind me, I noticed that the en suite looked worryingly hotel corridory (and blurry). Of course, I didn’t have my room key and had now locked myself out, so I had to walk to reception half naked.
There was no one at reception and, given my poor eyesight, I couldn’t read any signs that might have directed me to a toilet. Absolutely busting, I had to go outside and piss against a tree. After that sweet relief, I headed back inside to find someone on reception. I felt pretty sheepish having to ask them to let me back into my room, I can tell you.
What? That’s very odd.
All of my wedding stories reflect badly on me, I think. So… Hmmm…
OK, at the last wedding I went to the reception was held at Chelsea Hotel. It was a fancy dress wedding. Everyone was dressed up like movie characters. It was ridiculous. I actually said, “I’ll give it a year.” I didn’t realise the new wife was standing right behind me. Much later on in the evening she said to me, “I’m really thinking you might be right.” I was right. It lasted 11 months.
Attending a wedding without bringing a greetings card to say ‘congratulations’
- Yeh, that is weird
- Nope, I can see why people do that
This reminds me of the nicest wedding I ever went to. Lovely country house, both their families pitched in with everything, genuinely moving ceremony and speeches, great food, lots of dancing, hardly anyone stopped smiling all day.
Five months they lasted.
I’m fairly sure that the best mans speech at my wedding (part of which involved a tale of me drunk at a festival urinating somewhere that wasn’t a toilet) was the reason I didn’t receive anything in my grandmother’s will