man, how fucking DEFINED is your hand?! looks like something out of a god damn michelangelo fresco.
This will sound really big headed and I’m sorry if so, but I just did one of the best stand up sets of my life and I’m absolutely buzzing right now.
So when the MC started, there was something attaching the microphone cable to the mic stand that she couldn’t get loose, but she just carried on regardless but it was clearly restricting her movement and annoying her. I thought in my head, I’m gonna start my set asking whether people want comedy or to see me free the mic cable in some panto style action. Then the third comedienne went up and started off saying she was gonna sort this out, which she did and the crowd loved it. I’d lost my opening bit, but wasn’t too bothered as it was pretty obvious anyway.
Then while the next guy was on, I thought of something new. So I started my set with:
“I noticed that one of the previous comedienne’s removed the mic cable from the mic stand, but she didn’t ask whether or not that was something you wanted. I have too much respect for you as an audience so I’m gonna hold a poll to find out who wants the cable to remain unattached and who wants me to reconnect it back to the mic stand.”
So I took a poll and the results were roughly 50/50, resulting in me making a joke of how I should have paid better attention to the numbers. But then I closed the but with.
Then I said “in retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to hold a public vote for something which people didn’t have a good idea on it’s meaning and what the consequences would be…”
“It seems I have learned nothing at all from fucking Brexit”.
I know it’s not good enough for long term scrutiny, but it was perfect for the setting, the crowd and the rest of the set went really well too, but the opener is so ridiculously important with stand up and when you nail it, you’re on cloud nine.
I regret nothing
got some stand up comedy ideas to pitch to you:
autotune stand up (whole set is done in autotune)
hype man stand up (you do the whole set with a hype man saying things like ‘UH’ and ‘YEAH’ after and in between jokes. maybe pressing a few air horn/gun sound effects)
no, i’m asking what you think, maybe you can do them if we come to an arrangement.
Had an argument with the Deliveroo person and now I feel like a cunt.
(well done m8 sorry to thunderbirds you)
how any arguments with deliveroo drivers do you reckon you get into per week?
Oh! I think that it’s best not to engage people who try to give you stand up suggestions, but to give generic platitudes so as not to rile them.
Did they have issues with your address again?
Depends how many takeaways I have in a week. Basically, that number.
I posted in the evening thread because it was very much a “you had to be there” moment.
No need for the edit, I know it’s not particularly clever, but openings are the hardest and I am just happy that it felt like I am improving.
Yes. The same issue. He called me up to say “I see 140, 142…” YES THEN KEEP GOING IN THAT DIRECTION UNTIL YOU REACH MY STREET NUMBER. IT IS LINEAR. THEY INCREASE IN TWO UNTIL YOU GET THERE. MY GOD.
The only way to resolve this is to get takeaway so much that eventually every deliveroo guy in the city will have been to your house and will know where is it for ext time.
Way ahead of you.
I will TAKE that
… don’t get angry at me for asking this BUT
do you give them a delivery note? My address is very confusing to delivery people too