Weird lies you told as a kid

[Ruffers]

oh no, pattented hanshotfirst naans

[profk]

laelfy, the modest Oxford apartment is on fire!!!

[Ruffers]

oh, it’s a cambridge expression

[profk]

well, I went to Fenino and I’ve never heard anyone use the expression steamed naans.

[tungstentippedscrews]

Kept it up until midway through secondary-school that I was allergic to licorice, because I hated the taste of it and found it to be the best way to get out of any enforced licorice tasting hijinks. Smart kid.

[p_a_u_l]

Remember once during a PE lesson when I was around 8/9, we were playing indoor hockey (just plastic sticks and a ball), I told a friend I used to play ice hockey for Milton Keynes. Dunno if he believed me but it was never brought up again. I was shite and clearly never held a hockey bat before

[Epimer]

hockey bat

Can’t believe this lie didn’t hold up.

[colossalhorse]

Sigh. Ok then. You remember those sort of foam airplane glider kits you used to able to buy?

These things:

I remember telling some kids in junior school that my dad owned a shop (he didn’t) where they sold versions of those that NEVER STOPPED FLYING (impossible). You just threw them and they never hit the ground.

Unsurprisingly they didn’t buy it.

[zxcvbnm2]

we had a guy who was such a liar. he said his uncle owned newcastle town moor and also he was the first lad in our class to get his period.

[grievoustim]

would love it if you were still mates and still having to lie about having a brother

[doubleespresso]

Lied about my birthday throughout primary school - said it was on the 19th of August, but its actually the 17th

such a pointless thing to do

[grievoustim]

I’ve posted about this before - not me lying but a classmate

Weird lies/bits of nonsense you believed for ages

When I was 10 or 11 a kid at school told me he had stayed up late to watch the film Rosemary’s baby the night before He explained the plot to me in great detail. It involved a baby that was possessed by the devil, and could walk around and do things no normal baby could. It wandered about pushing people out of windows and killing them with hammers. When several years later I actually saw Rosemary’s Baby I realised that Dorian had been telling me porkys

[he_2]

Watching a Sunday League match between Hampshire and Middlesex at Southampton, Malcolm Marshall had just seen his bails dislodged after missing a John Emburey off-break with Hants still needing 15 to chase down Middlesex’s slightly anaemic total of 181.

There were two kids in front of me (probably Middlesex supporters) who called Marshall a ‘divvy’ as he trudged off. I told them to ‘shut up about my uncle!’

I don’t have any kind of familial link with anyone from Barbados, least of all the much missed Malcolm Denzil Marshall.

[Jamos]

we mostly lost contact when we went to different universities, but the lie survived intact all through school. unfortunately our sisters were friends so it eventually unravelled when he asked his sister to ask mine how her brothers were

[whiterussian]

Tried to make lots of people believe I was an alien waiting for the mothership to come and take me home

Yes, I was one of the official School Weirdos, thanks for asking

[HotBeefTrauma]

Told a GBOL I could run the 100m in 13 seconds. Wasn’t expecting to be called out. They called me out. Tried to backpedal, “well I suppose it was more like 80m really.” I still cringe thinking about that sometimes.

[he_2]

Weirdest I ever came across from the mouth of anyone else was someone that joined our form in Year 9 or 10, can’t remember which.

He claimed (way too vehemently, considering what he was to tell us) that he used to remove his eyes from his eye sockets at night and keep them in a glass of water, like you would dentures. Sometimes he wasn’t sure which eye was right and which was left, so would replace them in the incorrect sockets, it was only when he’d put his shoes on the incorrect feet that he would realise he’d put his eyes back in wrong.

Number of times we asked him for a demonstration but he claimed he wasn’t able to take them out during daylight hours as he’d go blind.

[breakfast_t_england]

I once went on holiday and there were some kids playing cricket, and then asked if I wanted to play. For some reason I told them I played for my school (I didn’t) and that I was the captain (I wasn’t). Was out first ball after I hit my own stumps with my bat.

[whiterussian]

Did you ever lie up a boyfriend/girlfriend that went to another school so none of your friends would know them?

• Yes
• No, didn’t have to as I was actually popular
• No, as no-one would have believed me anyway

Show results

(I lied up at least two in total over the years)

[Jamos]

did you say they were from another planet at least to help maintain your first lie?