Brilliant. We’re you at least both drunk?
I was hammered and I was about half an hour away from passing out due to a v strong brownie, can’t say the same for them though
So, so many. Most recently was last week when a very nice chugger came to my door and went into some very overly-friendly spiel including mentioning that the house smelled really nice and that dinner must’ve been great. It was when I’d made tempura aubergine and cauliflower but instead of telling him that I just said ‘FRIED FOOD’ like a fucking idiot.
My worst has to be this, which I did to someone.
I’ve wrote about this before, but once in like 2006 I was on a bus playing my Nintendo DS and Super Mario 64. There was a guy next to me kinda watching me play, but not really… or so I thought. Was struggling to the red coin challenge against the penguin in Cool Cool Mountain, so the guy saw me die for the fifth time or something, and said “here, let me have a go”, and grabbed my DS out of my hands and subsequently completed the star, and handed it back to me.
i was absolutely pished in sleazies about 15 years ago and spent a good 10 minutes taking to what I thought was Malcolm Middleton about how good his previous solo record was, turns out it was just a very patient ginger man who was not in fact Malcolm Middleton
once i was walking through Peckham when someone stopped me and asked if i was Polish. i said no, and they said “oh well you look a bit Polish” and then they walked off. not sure what they were aiming to get from that?
As we left the flat a few weeks ago, a random guy walked up and stopped me and my partner saying ‘excuse me’, then continued by asking if we were brother and sister. He couldn’t hide his disbelief that we weren’t and tried to carry on a conversation with us both as we walked down the street. Weird.
I bought some hair dye and then went to grab lunch and was holding the hair dye and the man at the lunch place said “you gonna dye your hair?” and I said “yep”
I worked in a restaurant A LONG TIME AGO and I got sent out to buy loads of cucumbers from wherever I could so I got 30 in a mini supermarket and the cashier said “looks like you’re having a cucumber party”. “yep”.
On 2 separate occasions, when sitting on a bus with my bass guitar, random blokes have asked me if I play gospel music. I guess all black people go to “gospel” church?
One of of those times, even though I said “No.” I was asked if I’d like to come play at his church. I was raised in very boring C of E church anyway, but not really on churchbook at all these days, so no.
The other day I was walking to the train station and a woman in her 60s/70s was walking directly in front of me the other way, so I moved out of the way to her right (closer to the road) and she weirdly started moving in the same direction while staring at me with a weird grin on her face. I moved to her left instead then she starts talking to me so I took my headphones off.
Old woman: you were about get run over by that bus
Her: the person walking towards the traffic should move closer to the road and the person moving in the same direction of the traffic should move to their other side
Her: (repeats herself, very serious)
Me: erm, right
Her: (continues to tell me off for a minute with a weirdly smug smile on her face)
- This is a thing, old woman is bang on the money, you could have been killed!!!
I used to live in a houseshare with 3 other people and I used to do a big shop every so often to stock up on loo roll, washing stuff etc as they were all way too lazy to keep things restocked.
I got about 24 toilet rolls delivered and the delivery man said “that’s a lot of toilet rolls” and I said “yep”
two girls came up to me in manchester city centre and asked to have their photo taken with me. was a bit like… have you mistaken me for someone else? and they were like nah we just want our photo taken with you .so just stood there and took like a smiley normal photo with two random people and then they left. were obviously 100% taking the piss but i still don’t quite get how or why.
‘How long have you had that?’
‘A face like a cunt’
The guys gf then shouted at him and said this is why you always get into fights to him
Great insult to be fair
Also got called a dinghy by a lad for not taking his bag of games to Cex to sell
Never get the Free City Bus !
Was walking along Market Street in St Andrews and an angry looking wee man with an open can of Tennents squared up to me and said “where the fuck are you from?” and I said “Glasgow”* and he said “WELL FUCK OFF BACK TO GLASGOW THEN.” and sauntered off.
About 10 seconds later I hear “Ah fuck, Glasgow’s in Scotland, isn’t it? ERM, YOU’RE ALRIGHT, MATE!”
*I didn’t want to escalate things by explaining Airdrie
That’s because you are one of those weird Scottish people with an English accent.