#46

no

1 Like
#47

Does mean I don’t get much out of sex toys/tools though, sorry everyone

#48

Not for me at all. Don’t find being hurt (mentally or physically) sexually appealing whatsoever. I’m vanilla and boring and I don’t mind.

BUT I watched a show on some tv show where there was a lady and it was her job to be a dominatrix (is that right??) and it basically just was her kicking a man in the balls loads and putting his penis in a plastic clamp thing and kicking him some more and she was making big bucks and was completely detached from it and was a super nice charitable person otherwise and I thought “yeah could do that”

9 Likes
#49

because it’s consensual and some people enjoy feeling pain

1 Like
#50

I think what I’m finding hard to figure out is if the sadist is aware that the masochist is deriving pleasure (even if very indirectly) from their acts, does that kill the buzz for the sadist?

There’s a line in the article “Then there’s good pain which is enjoyable” - the description of the sadist in the book seemed to indicate that this would not be a good thing from the point of view of the sadist.

Is there willing suspension of disbelief on the part of the sadist? Do they even get as far as caring one way or another?

I know you said you’re no expert, so I’m not directing the questions at you just into the ether as it were.

1 Like
#51

but the turn on for the sadist isn’t the consensual part it’s the inflicting pain part right? this is a bad urge regardless of whether some people will consent to it

#52

make a poll

1 Like
#53

pain and pleasure are very closely linked

read the article that @kermitwormit posted to get an idea

just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong

5 Likes
#54

Some people have that urge. Some people want to be hurt. Why not match the two and everyone is happy. Categorically stating it is a bad urge is a bit shaming

That is not to say that there is not huge scope for problematic behaviour or escalation to a point that is not ok. But if everyone is consenting then why would therapy be better than doing what feels good?

3 Likes
#55

because getting enjoyment from people’s pain is just about as close to an inherently bad thing as I can think of.

What if you are seriously hurting people like to the point of disabling them but they are consenting?

#56

Then you’re an arsehole.

#58

you aren’t everyone - horses for courses

2 Likes
#59

yes I’m the arsehole for not wanting people to enjoy hurting other people, how does that work?

#60

just because people have an urge for something doesn’t make it automatically fine, why is stuff in the realm of sexuality considered say distinct from politics or any other ethics where people are perfectly happy to criticise behaviour and ideas that are technically legal

2 Likes
#61

Was answering this question.

Not calling you an arsehole, Bam.

1 Like
#62

Yeah, it is so so interesting. My TV is reading the book at the mo and I’ve just been dipping in and discussing with them, so I’m only just starting to build a picture of it all.

The Marquis does get a mention I think - as he specifically didn’t want consent (edit: I can’t recall the context or comparison that was made)

1 Like
#63

The Marquis was proper disgusting :face_vomiting:

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#64

It doesn’t make it automatically fine, no. But which is the better overall scenario

  1. Sadist has these urges, seeks therapy, still has the urges and spends their life unhappy
  2. Sadist finds masochist, both fulfil their urges, spend life happy

(I’m aware these two scenarios are very polar but I’m hoping you get my point)

Edit: I’m assuming therapy to be unsuccessful here.

1 Like
#65

Automatically is the operative word. If Mrs CCB decided one day that she wanted me to start wearing (I dunno) nipple clamps or something, and I was like “no thanks” and she was like “no, you’re fucking wearing these nipple clamps” then obviously that would be wrong. But if Mrs CCB decided one day that she wanted me to start wearing (I dunno) nipple clamps or something, and I was like “yes! I’ve been waiting for you to ask” then it’s game on. But if I was just to go up to Nick from Environmental Health and stick a clamp on his nipple then that’s obviously assault.

Fundamentally, any sexual act requires consent and is illegal if there’s no consent, so it’s an extension of that principle.

13 Likes
#66

As was explained above, consent. And trust.

If someone likes receiving pain to whatever level and if someone else enjoys inflicting pain then where’s the harm in the two coming together, consensually to fulfil each-other’s desires?

Of course, consent and trust are enormously important in any of these relationships.

Edit: vital more than enormously important.