Were you to meet Noel Gallagher in real life...

I saw him in 1997 walking down the street in Soho. I looked at him, he acknowledged me and that was it. If I were to see him again I think it would be very similar to that.

I would address him as liam to gauge his reaction

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Probably just ‘Hey Noely, rock it man’ or something like that

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“Hi Noel. Do you like toast? As do I. It is warm and crispy. Now stay the fuck away from me Gallagher I ain’t got shit to say to you.”

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Do you want to come with me on tour with Jay-Z?

Probably just nod and say “alright”

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“alright our kid” surely?

Blur or Oasis?

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Reckon I’d go for something really profound like ‘nice one innit’

Why are you such a smooth-talking charmer?

Walked past him once outside the Marriott in Bristol, he was having a smoke and minding his own business so Ieft him to it.

Tory cunt

POTATO

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Hi Noel, I once saw Liam in Waitrose, how does this make you feel?

As he is a millionaire I’d tell him about how it’s unethical for him to have that amount of money in such an unequal society and then we’d discuss where he could donate the money he currently has into charities and projects which could affect meaningful change in the world, and how he could use his platform to influence people and further the cause of communism.

If he didn’t go for it then it would be my moral imperative to mug him in order to redistribute whatever wealth was about his person at that time. But I’m sure it wouldn’t come to that, which is good for me as I don’t think I’d be successful as a mugger, I’ve never used physical violence on another person in my adult life.

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I met him once, it was on the day Oasis were playing their legendary Maine Road gig. I’d just come back from Old Trafford and couldn’t think of anything to say and thought I’d go for some banter- ‘Alright Noel, United won today 5 nil’. He told me to fuck off.

Fair play to this lad

“what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre?”

One of those people I suspect would probably hate me so I wouldn’t say anything

Met him around the absolute mega peak ('95) and he was pretty chipper and chatty and fairly normal. Met Damon Albarn a year earlier and he was a bit surly and had a go at me for wearing a Suede t shirt. Still love him tho.

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