What are you prepared to wipe your arse with?

Say all the supermarkets run out of toilet paper and you’re out.

Lettuce leaf

  • Yes I’ll wipe my bum with that
  • No thank you

0 voters

Kitchen roll

  • Yes I’ll wipe with that
  • No thank you

0 voters

Hand

  • Eyw no thank you
  • Needs must

0 voters

Sock

  • Feet, arse what is the difference
  • No thanks

0 voters

Really nice thread

5 Likes

Used a printed copy of my CV once

17 Likes

Terrific!

You’re out at a very high class event, you’ve had a toilet explosion.

OH NO, THEYVE run out of TP too. Panicked, you rifle through your pockets. The only thing you have is a five pound note

  • Sorry Queenie.
  • Not a chance

0 voters

They are plastic now

3 Likes

That is true

Only a problem for someone who doesn’t wear underwear.

Teddy bear or other stuffed toy

  • Yeah why not
  • No you fucking creep

0 voters

1 Like

Oh I neglected to mention you are going commando tonight because you and your partner are feeling a bit saucy

Past lowlights have included the ripped up cardboard roll (too rough) and a Scotrail train ticket (too glossy)

6 Likes

You truly are the Goldilocks of turd misadventures

8 Likes

Did you use the train ticket as more of a squeegee type tool?

3 Likes

Charmin (you prefer Andrex in this scenario)

  • I will wipe my bot-bot with Charmin
  • I am principled and brand loyal

0 voters

1 Like

I’m trying to find a gif of someone making mortar. That.

2 Likes

Water is very good to wash, wiping just smears fecal matter and also creates the problem of dingleberries. Water is the best. Though once i was in a public toilet with an electronic sensor tap that wasn’t working and i had to use hand sanitiser and tissue and it burned so much. Wish bum hoses were rolled out in the west, in somaliland that was my favourite part of the hotel by far

7 Likes

Oh no. Oh no

2 Likes

:pensive: it was a bad day

Reusable :tipping_hand_woman:

6 Likes

Once had a house party and must not have left the spare loo roll in an obvious enough place, because someone wiped their arse with a sponge and hid it in a bathroom cabinet. Didn’t find it till we were moving out.

They could have at least washed it out ffs

2 Likes