What are you stockpiling

Hi fellow survivalists.

What are you stockpiling ahead of Brexit / general uprisings / apocalypses?

I have eight cartons of Oatly Barista Milk in my cupboard. Reckon I could barter safe passage in to vegan occupied territory when the inevitable happens with that little horde.

I also have twelve cans of tinned tomatoes which were reduced because the box was dented.

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Got a massive bag of basmati rice in the cellar

Trade you two handfuls of rice for a spoonful of coconut milk?

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Thanks for devaluing my sweetcorn.

How long are any food shortages likely to last if they do happen? A week? If so I might make sure I’ve got a full cupboard nearer the time.

The best thing about that is that Dr Mrs Epimer is in charge of the Brexit cupboard and she’s not even supposed to eat sweetcorn.

Thirteen years. Allotment owners are the new millionaires.

I currently have 6 oatly baristas because that’s the most asda ever seem to have in. Delightful stuff.

Otherwise I’m stockpiling the same 3 things I always have: tinned tomatoes, coconut milk and chickpeas.

A well aimed can could fend off a looter I reckon.

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Nothing. Just going to be blasé about the he whole thing.

Maybe nappies actually. Have 3 packs of 90 nappies. That’ll last a while

Tinned pears though, ffs. Couldn’t have been mandarin or pineapple or something else delicious, could it. Maximum suffering.

I’m quietly building an elastic band cache, I’m fucking lethal with those.

I always seem to buy cans of pinto beans for some reason. See you in the bartering market.

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Oh and my dried food cupboard is overflowing. Have about 6 packets of risotto rice, and many many other grains and lentils. Could live off it for at least 2 months i reckon.

You could just learn how to use a toilet mate

Stockpiling is bourgeoise.

(Probably some chocolate)

I’ve got a fair few eccentric teas, but other than that I’ll be stripping the bark off the trees out the back like a good vegetarian.

Saving them just in case you come to stay. Not many public loos in Winch

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Got about thirty bottles of as yet untasted homebrew too. When our infrastructure collapses I could be the new Brewdog.