What can be done about noisy eaters?

re-education? prison planet?

  • I eat with my mouth closed and try to keep noise to a minimum
  • Like to think I’m OK but don’t think about it
  • I’m a noisy eater

0 voters

Nobody really knows how loud they eat, I bet if we all recorded ourselves we’d be very shocked.


colleague of mine is a full mouth ajar lip smacking eater and has a huge penchant for soup.

Have ground my teeth to stumps at this point

Man in my office regularly eats oranges and it sounds like that video of the woman showing her grapefruit fellatio technique. Plus he doesn’t break it into segments either, just eats it like an apple. Astonishing.


They don’t fucking get it, eric. You can explain till you’re blue in the face that if they keep their mouth shut and don’t gulp in air while chewing or smack their lips they’ll be near silent, but it doesn’t help. They’re just monsters. Actual monsters.

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Got angry thinking about this.

I’m hungry, I want something to eat
Something with a crunch and very sweet
Just woke up so you know the scenario
I’m craving cereal like Cheerios
Maybe frosted flakes, I might munch
But what popped in my mind is Captain Crunch
So I went to the kitchen to freak my choice
In my stomach I heard a voice
It said: “Please feed me, my tank is on empty
I’m seeing things, so please don’t tempt me"
So I said “okay”, and got my bowl
Got my milk and cereal, made sure it was cold
Sat down at the table and said my grace
Because I knew what was about to take place
"Yum yum, eat 'em up”, my belly said
The crunches so loud errbody jumped out they bed!


Definitely don’t think about the juice dripping down his goatee then.

Doesn’t bother me, I can’t hear that.

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You’d think so.


That bit where Alma runs her teeth over her fork :face_vomiting:


the whole of phantom thread was like ‘i know he’s a dick… but…’

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I found common ground with DDL in the breakfast scenes and I don’t even eat breakfast (apart from yesterday).

Meal-times were made a misery for me when I lived with someone who was obsessed about noisy-eating.

No-one else I’ve lived with or eaten with has ever mentioned that I make any excessive noise (including a twenty year relationship) but suddenly I found myself with someone who couldn’t sit through a meal with me without mentioning the noise I supposedly made.

Just thought it worth mentioning that sometimes the problem is with the person hearing the noise.


PEOPLE WHO don’t shut their mouth while chomping and chewing are the absolute worst.

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I’m a noisy sipper. I don’t eat much soup or drink hot drinks though so I only bust out the loud sips with noodles.

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Flipping out and telling the guy i was sitting opposite to stop eating with his mouth open, after 2 months of tension, is my greatest career achievement to date.