What did or didn't actually happen in the Nativity


  • A child was born at some point, in springtime though probably
  • Something about a census
  • State sponsored child killings? Or is that something else?
  • All the rest of it


Oh thanks DiS
Those first three were meant to be pluses, the last one a minus, but fuck it all off completely now tbh


There was no room at the Inn


Unlikely to have been born in a stable, this is a romantic image invented by St Francis. Probably stayed with friends, so the manger bit could be true.


He made friends quickly!


You know when somebody sees something for the first time and they properly over exaggerate, I reckon Jesus invented swimming but everyone was like ‘he’s walking on the water!’


I’ll be honest mate I don’t think swimming is only 2000 years old or so


Jesus or Bon Iver?


Aye Noah’s ark was just someone chucking their two dogs in the water after seeing Jesus swim.


Wikipedia doesn’t have an origin story for swimming so I’m gonna say Jesus.


I think the angel bit probably did happen


Just looked it up and there’s some mentions of swimming in the old testament sorry
Let’s say Isiah invented it, but Jesus popularised it for a new generation like vinyl records


wig fell off.


didn’t happen - Theo turning up with a stapler


I don’t think Joseph’s head fell off after being twatted with a football and then hastily glued back on before my Ma got home in the irl nativity.


Joseph has a bit of a hard time of it really doesn’t he


‘Immaculate conception’, man’s gullible as fuck!


Lovely jacket


then he ate baby jesus’s snickers bars.


We can be reasonably sure that Herod’s massacre of the innocents never happened.

Herod was almost universally hated in his day. Had he really murdered that many first borns, we’d have reams of accounts all delighted to finally have something REALLY bad to say about him. But no such evidence exists. I think it’s only in one of the gospels.