What;'s the worst meal you've ever paid for

Take away/fast food joints don’t count

Ordered some noodles from a pub the other day (first mistake). Came in a carton with an inner clingfilm lining. absolutely rank

Terrible lasagne:

Oh shit, forgot about that thread. Sorry

Close thread

Pig’s ear gratin in Lithuania. It was only like 2 euros, but still. Rank.

Gammon, egg and chips at a pub.

Gammon was white and just tasted of salt, chips were frozen in the middle. Eggs were burnt underneath

A fry up at the Shepherdess Cafe on City Road (London).

I thought that it was nailed on to be absolutely amazing, but a couple of bites in and I was really underwhelmed.

I think I left about 2/3 of it.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was telling a work colleague about just how bad this fried breakfast was, and to back my point up I went on to google reviews to check that everyone agreed with me - except most people didn’t and they thought it was amazing.

So basically, don’t take my word for it.

Did you complain

only one that comes to mind was a sandwich thing with a chicken breast in it - where a bit of the chicken was still raw

I had already paid, and was in the midst of looking after small children so I just left it. Couldn’t be arsed with fuss making which seems ridiculous in hindsight

Walked past that place yesterday and thought it looked like a nice cafe.

It looks the business.

It’s on a Nat West advert that was recently on TV quite a bit. About how theyre helping young entrepreneurs.

Nothing to do with the cafe, they’ve just used it as a back drop when they’re interviewing this guy.

Watery soups. Crap cafe’s always do watery soups and I am haunted by them all. Multiple places, but without a doubt it’s been an insipid broccoli and stilton or something, and there’s no use in complaining because it’ll all be from the same batch or whatever and just fuck it all to hell.

Does anyone not pay for stuff?

I got given some shockingly bag courgette fries at Bird on Holloway road once. I sent them back and asked them nicely to remove them from the bill because I will not be paying. I demonstrated why they were so bad by banging one against the table to show how rock hard and inedible it was.


Went for a meal in Bruges at one of those on-the-main-square places you should avoid like the plague as everywhere else was closed and we were going to a football match afterwards. Ordered a rack of lamb and chips, some shit lamb chops and cous-cous turned up. I was fuming, cost about €25 as well.

Mono in Glasgow.

Ordered the pasta.

Received a plate of spaghetti in hot water with two lukewarm tinned tomatoes plonked on top and no sauce (unless you count the water.)

Couldn’t really believe it had happened so just started laughing.

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‘Bric’ while on holiday in tunisia. We’d been told this was something we had to try while we were there

Leathery, tasteless pastry folded into a semi circle with a blob of filling in the middle and deep fried. The pastry extended a good 2-3 inches beyond the filling

Can’t remember exactly what was in the filling but other than being vaguely hot it had no particular flavour. The highlight was that on top of the filling was an egg that was still pretty much entirely raw

  1. My mum insisted on going to an indian restaurant in Lille when I was a teenager “to see what it was like”. I ordered a paneer curry, and they clearly had not been able to get hold of proper paneer. So they had just used normal cheese, which of course melted and I got a plate of rice with day-glo cheese gloop on top. I wanted to send it back, but then got into an argument with my mother who claimed that it was supposed to look like that, and paneer melts and I was just “making a fuss” and she wouldn’t let me. (She is usually wrong about almost everything).

  2. A pub in Seaford. I had been there before and had a nice vege dish of a mushroom bake with a creamy sauce, breadcrumbs etc. I ordered it again, and 20 minutes later a plate with lettuce on and some 3 to 4 cooked mushrooms on top appeared. After me and my friend had stopped laughing, I sent it back, and five minutes later the same plate appeared, just with a few more mushrooms. I complained and said it wasn’t what was listed on the menu, and the waiter checked with the cook out back. The cook was now arguing that “although it’s listed as a main on the menu, it’s actually a starter now”. I refused to have it, and just ended up having chips, and then had another tussle at the end when they wanted to charge me £7 for the lettuce/mushroom combo and also extra on top for the chips. I guess technically I didn’t pay for that one, but mainly because I stubbornly refused to.

appearing mushrooms, neat trick

I sent a chocolate fondant back twice at a restaurant in Teddington because you could clearly see it was overdone. I held the second one up like a chocolately book so the waiter could see how dry it was.

Brick is good shit, Waitrose used to do it, alas no more.