What TV/internet shows would you go on if you were famous?

I’d like to think I’d be allowed to be choosy, because I’d be so in demand, respected and loved. (lol) I’d limit myself to:

Drag Race celebrity judge
Critical Role guest
Graham Norton

What about you? Reckon you’d smash the I’m A Celeb trials? You gonna be a Masterchef judge? Let me know, friends.

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Mastermind. Celebrity one’s a piece of piss.

I don’t have any anecdotes so graham norton wouldn’t work for me

celebrity big brother would be fun imo

I’d love to be on Taskmaster. I used to want to be a comedian when I was younger but kind of assumed there’s no fucking way I’d want it enough to be able to be on a stage in front of lots of people regularly – but then I started watching Taskmaster and I wish I was a bigshot comedian so I could be my most chaotic self on national television.


crimewatch lol

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Celebrity Pointless
Saturday Kitchen
Sunday Brunch
Any other food show they have celebrity guests

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I’d like to be the sort of British low-level TV celebrity on Graham Norton who awkwardly says something that makes the hot Hollywood A-listers laugh loads and gets like 100,000,000 vindication points


oh shit, would love to go on Who Do You Think You Are? My cousin has tracked my family back to 1066 but I’d love to know about some of the other strands.

Fuck, Taskmaster would also be great. Oh balls I’ll just be going on everything


Sunday brunch most weekends
Tipping point
The chase
Top Gear
Any of those talking heads things like i love the 90s

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Definitely Graham Norton
‘Who do you think you are’ but they probably wouldn’t air it as it would be so boring


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God the thought of going on any of these sounds extremely stressful to me

I would like to do Taskmaster but I’m just so uptight and care too much if I make an idiot out of myself that I’d end up like VCM

Wouldn’t mind doing Strictly because, though I’m too shy to be a proper good dancer in public, I feel like the televised pressure and the like professional mentorship or whatever would basically make me well good at it

I wouldn’t mind going on Gogglebox and just watching the entirety of Twin Peaks: The Return while slagging off the Malones about how they’re reactionary warmongering enablers of the military industry complex*.

I feel like my extremely awkward vibes would make me go viral if I went on First Dates. The nation would think I was all cute and adorkable until they realised that I make electronic music and would chase me with flaming pitchforks on account of how deceptively cool I am.

I have a recurring fantasy of going on Bake Off - and what I do is I make something perfectly according to the recipe, and it looks absolutely pristine and delicious. THEN, in the last minute, I just add loads of salt - and I look directly into every camera (for coverage) and I say, “I’m adding my secret ingredient and my secret ingredient is a fuck ton of delicious SALT.” And I cackle.

*Note: This is an inside joke with myself that I don’t even fully understand myself. I’m not accusing the Malones of anything directly.


Celebrity Wipeout
Celebrity Pointless
Celebrity University Challenge
Saturday Kitchen/Sunday Brunch
Innuendo Bingo
Desert Island Discs
Graham Norton
Cameo in Call My Agent
Soccer AM football challenge thing
Who Do You Think You Are?, but it’s likely to be an incredibly boring episode.
Would I Lie To You in a week with Bob Mortimer or James Acaster

Just literally everything

Taskmaster - as others have said, the chance to cause that much chaos on tv, lovely stuff.
House of Games - really want a gold dartboard/egg cups (sorry we watch this far too much)
The Chase - banter with Bradders innit

Some have said Who Do You Think You Are? and said it would be boring - the peak was Danny Dyer’s episode IMHO, so no one is ever going to top that, not even any other celebs.

I’d like to go on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast

What was the one where they tried to do Olympic events and all broke their legs? I’d like a go on that

Or the diving one.

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yeah I’ll be there for Celebrity GBBO too. I’d be fucking terrible, but would get on with Noel

I’d love this in theory but I’d be a complete wreck and completely unable to hold it together if they’re on at the same time

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wouldn’t mind presenting Robot Wars