Train to Glasgow, etc
Some sort of murder-suicide arrangement.
The long version of Rappers Delight, and finish with the ‘White-eared elephant’.
I’d do an Andy Kaufman and give a reading from whatever book I’m carrying at the time.
I reckon I could do a pretty good set on my family. It would be darkly comic, and the whole show would build towards a set-piece where you’re not sure whether to laugh or cry:
My mum making my dad tell the adopted brothers he regretted adopting and that’s why they were getting divorced. And my dad complying with this. While on a family holiday (everyone but me) in a remote house in Iceland in the middle of a storm.
depends on the length. if it’s long a centre parting. short i’d put a bit of wax on and flick it to the side a bit
List things that were popular in the late 90s, that you don’t see very often nowadays
would probably just do a 5 minute talk about cats
this is what I did in S4 when I realised it was the ‘speaking’ exam day for standard grade English and had to wing it
reckon i could get a pretty solid 30 minutes out of that
read out of all my receipts
I was thinking of doing a sort of monologue based on going through my online bank statement and discussing each of my recent transactions, though that would definitely be hampered by how long it tends to take my bank’s webpage to load on my phone.
Read from the local paper in a very moody scottish accent
Oh jesus did that really happen?!
Yes. Took them another 5 years to get divorced in the end! And my adopted bros were incredibly understanding of everything.
I have an amazing book in me about my family. But they’d never speak to me again if it got written!
Just last weekend, my youngest bro was kicked out by my mum for a grand total of 7 hours (fortunately, he was coming round to ours that evening anyway!).
Holy crap. I’ve seen you mention some stuff about their divorce which just sounds nuts but that is a whole different level.
I think you should write it anyway. OR make it a sitcom. YES.
read out dis posts
I actually went to a fringe gig last year that was someone trying to make jokes about her dad dying of cancer. It was so awfully unfunny and my friend got really upset so we left, but it was in an absolutely tiny venue so it was really obvious we were leaving and shortly after us most of the rest of the audience got up and left as well