What would you do if you caught a burglar in your house?

I’d just shite myself probably
Would you beat them? Would you be willing to go to court for a poor beaten burglar?

Who knows? All I know is it’s thread time

My friend offered a burglar a cup of tea! She thought he was there to fix the shower.


I would beat them off


Just to clarify I have no problem with beating off strangers

Ask them to go outside and come back at 9pm once I’d assembled all the boobytraps

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A couple of years ago my 87 year old grandma accosted a bloke who had propped a ladder up against her house and broken into one of the upstairs bedroom windows. She stood in the landing and shouted ‘you may as well come down, I know you’re up there’. As he came downstairs towards the front door apologising profusely and asking if he could just go she nicked him with a serrated bread knife.

She was so made up when he ran off and left his ladders. My dad uses them when he goes round in the summer to tidy up the apple trees.


Not allowed to do that mate, nanny state and all


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She genuinely is. I would’ve absolutely shat myself but literally no fucks given for Grandma Phyllis.

Kick their head in obviously

To be honest, I’d probably just see red. I’m not really the fighting type but if they were in my property I’d want them off my property as quickly as possible. I don’t think my liberal sensitivities would have a chance.

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Me too!! Sometimes when the postie has snuck unto the stairwell without me knowing and starts rustling at my letterbox I will freeze with fear thinking it’s an intruder. The sound of a mouse rummaging through a crisp packet in the hallway has prompted me to grab a giant stick AND a machete and stand frozen until I realised what was going on. Nuts.

I would try my best to sympathize with him/her/the poor retch and what awful socioeconomic circumstances had lead them to this point in their lives. I would decry capitalism, through up my arms in despair, then sit down, to continue patiently waiting for the communist revolution.

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There’s nothing worse than the sound of a bustling mouse padding along a skirting board. At uni I woke up one night in the wee hours to a mouse nibbling on a bag of peanuts on my side table. Terrifying.

Haha, my bf’s Mum was woken by the sound of a RAT snuffling about on her dressing table! It’s fat arse was all up in her pearls.

ALSO my friends boyfriend was woken in the middle of the night by a tickling sensation between his arse cheeks. Feeling rather aroused he snuggled into his girlfriend only to discover she was passed out asleep, it was Mr Mouse getting busy in his bum, not her. Gutted!


Should I change the title of the thread to ‘what would you do if you caught a mouse in your house?’

  • Yes
  • Nah

0 voters

No she didn’t.

Rimmy Mouse: The Mouse Walt Disney Didn’t Want You To Know About


I feel this would do an injustice to the bravery of my Grandmother.