'Ey up me duck
I love you, Nottingham Forest. I think I’ve always loved you.
‘What do I care? As long as they pay me the big bucks I’ll turn up with one of those little bags and a big pair of headphones like everyone else’
As a young boy, I dreamed of being a football
‘I can’t wait to get out there on the field and play professional football for my new club, Nottingham Forest!’
“I’m Derby born and bred so being here is clearly a problem for me. But I’ll do my best and see how things go. And if we do get relegated there’s a chance I could get to play at Pride Park next season, albeit for the wrong side.”
If a player signs for Forest and no one is around to hear them, do they make a sound?
No but seriously, I’m delighted to be here and am looking forward to making my debut.
"As an overweight, unremarkable man in my mid-30s with no footballing experience above Sunday League level to date, the opportunity to play for a Premier League club has come as something as a surprise. However, I’d like to thank Nottingham Forest for the opportunity: it’s great to be here!
Also, fuck Wycombe."
I’m just a boy standing in front of a football club asking it to love him.
“I’m not sure why Forest have taken a punt on me, a man who hasn’t regularly played competitive football in a number of years and is the wrong side of 35…
but yknow I like their maverick style and I’ll happily keep that bench warm for upwards of £20,000 a week no bother!”
When I signed from Chelsea on loan people asked “Have you come here for a rest?”
I said: “Nah mate. I’m here. FOREST!”
“But hopefully I can put in some good performances over the next few months and get the attention of a slightly bigger club who pay slightly more money than Nottingham Forrest.”
Welsh rockers Stereophonics once implied one match could burn a thousand trees.
I intend to burn bright in every match and make sure Nottingham Forest are on fire this season!
Up the Forestees!
Hey there! I am using WhatsApp.
This would be an excellent thing to say if you signed for Nottingham Forest on loan from Chelsea
For me, pepper, I put it on my plate
I started dating a Forest, but it turned out he was a cheetah
Needless to say I’m delighted to have signed for a club with such a rich history. We didn’t think the move was going to happen at times, so I’m absolutely thrilled to be sat here in front of you all today. The gaffer’s words were invaluable in giving me confidence that I could take the next step in my career here, and I’ve met some of the boys already too. It’s time to get to work and start repaying the faith shown in me by the chairman, fans and everyone associated with Derby County football club. Up the rams.
On loan? I feel like a book! And I tell you what, my time in the forest is going to be a real page turner.