when you're home alone

Back when I used to have Thursday mornings off during sixth form (great memories of that), I remember going to the toilet with the door open while, across the corridor, I had The Three EPs by the Beta Band playing on the hi-fi in my bedroom (door also open).

Upon hearing “push it out, push it aaaall oout”, my memory tells me I pointed across the corridor finger-guns-stylee and went “Waheeeeyyy”

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I do a lot dreadful “improv comedy” when I’m home alone

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Ours is a slidy door and it’s in the full view of the front door so I don’t risk it, if my flatmate came home I wouldn’t be able to close it over in time without her seeing me taking a dump. But then, I accidentally saw her shaving her fanny recently so maybe it’s a fair trade-off?

She’s going away on Sunday for a week and I’m going to be naked the entire time and shit with the door open and shower with the door open and it is going to be AMAZING

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The idea that an American poster could mistake the word fanny makes me giggle.

too late

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y’know, I’ve never even tried to shave my ass

usually have the door open, then remember there’s a window on the landing that you can see into the bathroom from so have to surreptitiously close the door mid shower. too late though isn’t it, they’ve already seen everything

I read this in Steve Albini’s voice and imagined abrasive guitar work beginning shortly after

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This is a thread in the making

when i’m shaving my back i’ll stop at the ass. don’t think it would be right?

how do you shave your back?

I’ve got quite a hairy back (hi ladies) but have never really attempted shaving it, seems like a lot of hassle

Exhibitionist tendencies (yes, I know it isn’t Thursday)

  • Would rather not inflict my junk on the world
  • Have been known to display the goods, not a regular occurrence
  • Fairly comfortable, try not to frighten the neighbours too much
  • Parade around with my cock/fanny/tits out with abandon

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If that cat is in I’m closing the door. That wee dude makes a point of popping in to see what the deal is whenever anyone goes to the bathroom. And yet his litter tray is on the landing and if I happen to step out of our bedroom while he’s doing his business he’ll do the most indignant miaow I’ve ever heard. Such a dickhead.

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got a thing that’s like a razor blade on a big stick. you still need to do a bit of contorting, but it works a treat.

was worried i’d cut myself up to fuck with it but haven’t ever got a scratch

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I’ll try to avoid going near the windows if it is on display, no real urge for Hedvička and Karel opposite to get a viewing of my goods

ooh, might try this out.

If home alone? Why would I bother closing it?

if a burglar entered the property whilst you were taking a shit with the door open you’d have the indignity of not only being robbed but having had them have to look at you on the shitter

czech-ing you out

(I’ll get me coat)

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Close the door but don’t lock it ever. Same if 'er indoors is in. Only lock it if we have guests.

The bigger issue is that the hallway window gives a direct view of the landing between the bedrooms and the bathroom, and the neighbour’s hallway window looks into it from about 15 feet away. Try to nip* across the landing as quickly as possible but if the timing’s right then those poor bastards are going to see everything.

Although they have started leaving the curtains on that window permanently closed and they didn’t used to, so maybe it’s already happened.

*wheeeey