Which footballer would you be?


Inspired by/ripped off from A-Poc’s AMA thread. If your 'ball skillz were dialed up to pro standards, which footballer (any era) would you most resemble? Brief descriptions encouraged.


Stacey Solomon


Lee Trundle


First season CR7. Very good at going past people, but to what end?




Player: some kind of David Batty meets Dennis Wise midfield twat.
Because: no obvious actual skills, but quite effective as a destructive force in midfield. Good engine, decent tackle, very likely to commit a foul, annoying to the opposition.


I have been likened to Pat Viera before so him I guess. By that I mean I used to play defensive midfielder but would get bored quite quickly and make some surging runs forward to little or no avail.



Per Mertesacker


Jan Molby




Hmm. Who’s capable of flying off the handle without warning to humorous effect and yelling at dickheads…


It would have to be REALLY dialled up, and from before my ankle injury, but Rob Jones.

Pacy, likes to overlap, never scores, often played out of position at left back.


Adebayor running the length of the pitch to taunt fans of my old team

Yes I’m that petty


Hristo Stoichkov


Qualified medical practitioner?


For real though, I’m a big man up front Emile Ivanhoe Heskey circa Leicester all day


Neville Southall. Big fan of the mullet/tache combo. And I’d get to call Michael Owen a twat




nobody knows, think it’s an old poster?