Which kind of sportsperson would it be best to be?

Taking into account all the variables - how much money you could make, the physical toll it would take, where you get to play, the free time it allows you.

Was chatting to a colleague about it, and we reckon being a top level golfer probably takes it. Mad bunce if you’re winning big events, travel the world playing in nice locations, can pick and choose your tournaments within reason, and very little physical exertion really required. All hinges on if you actually like golf of course, but if you do, what a life!


I don’t want to be shot in the head if I fuck up my ankle.

Then don’t do that, easy.

swimmers are the best looking aren’t they

Darts. Crazy money for minimum effort


Definitely rank near the top for bods, sure.

Skiing would be cool. Bet Darts players earn quite a bit for doing feck all

Is the money that good? Plus I bet the circuit is a real slog, playing tournaments in tiny Dutch industrial towns and the like.

formula one driver? sure the helmets look like they get a bit warm, but it must be a piece of piss

get to sit down the whole time and don’t have to do any actual exertion. get paid $$$ loads

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Ooh, this is a good one. How long is the season? Can’t be that many races. And you only really work two days a week.

Most sport require a certain amount of training/exercise. Practising for darts just involves throwing arr-ers at a board while you get pissed.

Dancing horse controller.

The horse does all the work for you - you just have to sit there until the end and then congratulate it.

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reckon it’s a nice level of fame too. if you wanted to milk it you could turn up to a restaurant wearing your ferrari jacket and holding a steering wheel and you’d probably score some freebies. but then if you were just wanting to nip down the shops or whatever, sling a hoody on and 99% of people won’t know who the hell you are

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sailor. for the jumpers

If I were c. 5 stone lighter I’d be this cunt:


Nah, bet there’s fuck all cash in that plus you’d be surrounded by posh twats all the time.

Also, rowers get up really early. Too fucking early.

… who you shout at and abuse at 6am. I’ll have some of that


Richard Wright at Man City


baseball. get paid hundreds of millions of dollars for literally sitting on a bench and going to hit a ball a few times.

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