Which kind of sportsperson would it be best to be?

Being a golfer would mean spending 99% of your time surrounded by Tories though.

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and everyone would laugh at you

“what do you do?”
“i’m on the row team”
“oh right, you don’t look that strong”
“yeah i sit at the back and ask all the talented ones to row more”
“pffffft. loser”

despite my contempt for the game, cricket too. ever noticed how all the games are either played in leafy home county stadiums or tropical paradises? and most of the time is spent eating lunch and drinking tea.

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Reckon the Catcher in baseball is a ridiculously easy job.

Snooker is probably a good one. Lots of sitting on your arse and looking at balls thoughtfully.

the one behind the hitter? apparently its one of the worst positions because their knees get absolutely fucked from crouching like that all the time.

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Professional golf. You could still be making money playing on the senior tour after 50.


none of the players ever seem to get slated for bad performances either. get hit out without scoring a run? fine, that’s just cricket.

My knees are already fucked and Im NOT getting paid $$$$$

Dominatrix it is then


bowties aren’t that comfortable though

be into it if i could wear trackies

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Would definitely have one of those spinning bowties. For the LOLs

The majority of pro baseball players don’t even make a living wage:

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to try and push a ball that was hanging over the pocket?

the crowd would love it

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Ice hockey goalie.
The nets are fucking tiny, youre padded up and have a big stick.
No one ever says the goalies had a bad game in ice hockey.

not sure that’s true

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Punter for and American Football team - boot the ball now and then, rarely get twatted, the season’s pretty short, nobody really knows who you are or what you look like.


idk, I was looking at a list of the world’s top paid athletes the other day, and about 90% of them were baseball players I’d never even heard of. on contracts for 500 million dollars for 7 seasons or something.

Cricket. Swan about covering your eyes from the sun, doing the odd throw, get shitfacedwasted after. Dreamy



Retired footballer

At the end of each game, sit in a telly studio in your smart casuals and say something about how the defense aren’t closing them down.

Rake in the cash.