The Bat Suction Cups! They’re… coming loose…!


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When I was about 17, I compered a local kids talent show. Foolishly, with hindsight, I had a few tinnies offstage between acts and got steadily more tipsy as the evening wore on.

A fair number of acts (and a fair few beers) into the show, a group of young girls did a dance routine to Janet Jackson’s Whoops Now!

Dangerously overconfident in my comedy patter as a result of the booze, and to my lasting shame, my ill-judged opening line following that act - delivered to an audience that was basically just the parents of all the kids participating in the show - was, “Well, whoops indeed.”


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