Winter Holidays Support Thread 2019

The holidays can be a difficult time of year at the best of times. The nights are long, the weather’s shit and there’s so much societal pressure to be having an amazing time with friends and family. Unfortunately not everyone gets to have that. Especially this winter in the face of a Tory majority and in a country with such divisive politics as ours. This year if you’re alone, if you’re stuck spending time with people you don’t want to spend time with, if you can’t give the people you love the holidays you think they deserve this space is for you. This thread is a non-judgemental place for you to get things off your chest. No matter your situation if you are suffering then your feelings are valid. I will be here to listen and I hope others will join me.

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Fab idea for a thread, thanks @Rarity :sparkling_heart:

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So much dread for Christmas now. Everything else is shit and that is magnified by, rather than negated by, Christmas.

Might be ok if I could do things on my own terms, but I can’t. I know it is selfish but I just don’t have the energy to bend to what the rest of my family wants. Have to split things in to three lots of festivities too because of various family fractures and that is too much for me.

I had thought last year it would be the last year I’d be still living at my mum’s for Christmas and feel stupid I was so naive to think I would have been any further up the housing list, let alone in a flat.

Just want a quiet Christmas with my boy making stuff out of his new box of lego :frowning: (and that makes me feel terrible because it sounds like I just want to discard family that I am lucky to have, but I just want a day to be with R, and our own space to have it in)

@Flashinglight that sounds like a whole lot of aggro :frowning: It sucks when family obligations get in the way of being able to have the holiday that you actually want. And when you’re already having to put up with being at your parents beyond the point and that can all pile up and get amplified. You absolutely deserve some special time with R and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that :hugs: Would it be possible to speak to your family and arrange for a bit of time that you can have to the two of you? It sounds like that’s the best Xmas gift they could give you

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I just don’t think there’s going to be the time for us to get by ourselves this side of Christmas because of various obligations and plans. More time after Christmas, but getting the house to ourselves means kicking other people out really so don’t think it’ll happen. Will have to get our mum/son time by going out but that isn’t quite what I’m dreaming of.

Should stop being so petty and just be glad we’ve got a roof over our heads.

Yeah, I get that there’s going to be lots going on :frowning: I still don’t think you’re being petty though! Wanting a bit of space and autonomy is totally natural. I hope you manage to find it at some point :crossed_fingers: :heart:

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Currently staring down the barrel of a miserable week. I mean I’m spending time with people I love dearly but I always feel incapable of participating leading up to the actual day. Leaves me feeling alienated, unloved, miserable.

That sounds like a really difficult place to be :frowning:

What barriers are keeping you from participating?

I just cant buster happiness during Christmas, at least before the day. Participating in anything remotely festive right now seems impossible. I used to get encouraged into it by my mother who was already really good at unlocking some sort of festive joy out of me and I miss that… I miss it a lot… and now I feel like one could give a shit providing I’m all smiles on the day

But also its just hard when u dont have a spouse or immediate family, my dad and I are on good terms nowa days but find it impossible to spend any meaningful time with him because I cannot forgive him for my childhood, grandparents are far away, step dad and I are good mates n all but not someone I’d deem an emotional support. And most importantly there is no one I feel i can turn to when i feel lonely which is often this time of year

I spend this Christmas at my sisters this year but it’s all the other half family who I dont know at all, feel like a 3rd wheel that’s been included just cause, I just hate my current circumatances

Loneliness is such a struggle at this time of year and even when you’ve got people around you it’s still easy to feel lonely. I get what it’s like to be spending Xmas with people you don’t feel particularly close to. I’m going to be with my parents, sister and her girlfriend but I’ve never really felt that connected to the family unit. I would come have a holiday pint with my Squirtle Squad bro if I could :confused:

How long has it been since your mum was around for Xmas?

Hey :wave:

I sort-of feel a bit of an ungrateful sod for posting in this thread, because you’ll probably see the CCB family at Christmas looking all happy. To an extent I am happy, but I’m also really burnt out. Work has been brutal this year and I can’t imagine it getting any worse. I’m also approaching the anniversary of the death of one of the people we were supporting last year, and he’s playing on my mind especially in this awful weather.

Also I don’t feel like I’ve been looking after myself / my mental health particularly well - my coping mechanisms are terrible.

So, none of this is Christmas-related (I have mild dread about visiting my dad and his new wife but that’s just for the day) - it’s more that the cheeriness of Christmas puts things a little more sharply into focus.

I know you’ve probably exhausted all avenues re: medical banding (I think you’d have a strong case to argue that your MH is being affected by your current living condition) but I’d be happy to DM if you needed any advice re: this. (Our department also deals with ‘housing list’ bandings)

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Don’t worry mate, this thread is about more than just Christmas :heart: This is a time when wheter we want to or not we look back on the year that’s passed and reflect on it and it sounds like it’s been a rough one for you. Especially with such an emotional anniversary looming as well. I hope you get some time to recharge your batteries over the break :blush::hugs: Does your work provide for any kind of therapeutic support for when things like the death of a client happen?

It’s been a weird year TBH. In some ways it’s been amazing: a trip to Florida, a trip round Europe than my daughters haven’t stopped talking about, the news that my eldest is going to get the place at a school that will cater for her autism. But then work has been really tough, which has overshadowed it a little bit of late.

And yeah, we have an employee assistance programme that I’ve used before (six sessions of face to face counselling), but there’s nothing particularly in terms of resilience training / ongoing support.

Yeah it’s gotta be hard, wanting to be happy but not having the emotional energy to really get there. :frowning:

Building resilience does make a huge difference. If there’s nothing you can get from work perhaps there’s a local service you could speak to or you could try a self-help book? I get that it’s one of those things that’s difficult to make time for when juggling the demands of both work and a family though.

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Thanks Rarity. I’ve been feeling much better since these posts, I’ve recently stopped taking my anti depressants (under gp supervision) and have these off days, as to be expected. Since then I’ve been feeling much more positive.

Good to hear it, bud. I’m glad that you’re in a space now where you feel like you can come off the meds. Hope the wave doesn’t last for too much longer, we’re always here for you when you’re feeling down :slight_smile:

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Just in case anyone needs a human voice to talk to over the next week or so :heart:

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