Was having some me-time at work today, somehow going through a golden age of no handle shakes or door openings, when all of a sudden, the lights went off. “No worries” thought I “I’ll just have my hand and trigger the motion sensor to turn them on again”.
I waved. Waved again. Waved with both hands. Then I realised the cunts haven’t put a motion sensor in the shitter cubicle itself, almost certainly intentionally.
With absolutely zero natural light, like a sensory deprivation tank, I realised I had no option but to get my light back. The only option was to open the door, lean out while my trousers we’re round my ankles and chap was waving free, then wave my hand in the sensor zone until there was light again. A fucking risky gambit, but the best option I could think of at the time.
The whole operation only took a couple of seconds, luckily no one walked in, but what if they had? I was furious, and felt like people needed to know about this injustice but just as I was about to rant, I realised. If I mentioned it to anyone, they’d know I was a lengthy throne sitter. The bastards have thought this through. I’m up against some evil geniuses.
Pizza every week is a thing now. Initially great as our work is tight as fuck, and I shouldn’t be ungrateful. But it is Dominoes ffs, about 20 arrive and are dumped in the break room. You are meant to go in and take some on the understanding you will use that time to chat to a colleague you don’t normally speak to. After the third week of trying to sneak in and grab a slice it gets a bit tiresome. Plus it runs out so I am not sure whether to risk taking lunch in or not
We’ve had a broken cling film dispenser at work for about 4 months. Someone put it back together but left the HUGE super sharp serated teeth part poking out. I’ve cut myself on it so many times and so does everyone else and I bet nobody else cleans it after they cut themselves. So I was like “I’m throwing this out” and everyone was like “NOOO DON’T, WE NEED IT” and i walked downstairs to chuck it in the bin and I was grabbed and they they tried to slow me down so I just dropped it on the floor fully destroying it and then binned it
What a world fml etc. Awaiting probably getting told off for throwing out dangerous faulty equipment that costs about £8 on amazon or comes free if you buy enough cling film.
Same thing about to happen at my work. Moving to new building. No kitchens on any of the floors, just a giant “hip” meeting space on one floor, so we can all go up and mingle with colleagues from other service lines. M8, we all dgaf about other service lines, that’s why we don’t talk to them already.
Plus I’ll have to 11 floors to the dining room, I’ll spend half my life in a lift. IRKED.
holy shit i’ve triggered some kind of revolt. half a dozen other people are in total agreement with me and have opted out of this work night out, they said they were relieved someone finally said something, enforced fun is no kind of fun at all and whatnot. it’s led to quite the split in the team. this is where my ascent to totalitarian control of the UK began, folks. mark it now.
