Work irks part 2 (rolling)

share your tales o’ woe. can be minor or major.

today I was in the door 5 minutes and this happened:

colleague: you left work on your system Friday night

me: no I didn’t.

colleague: I found it in your system folder.

me: what was the time stamp?

colleague: five thirty.

me: I finished at four. someone put it there well after I was home and drunk.

colleague: well you need to check your folder is empty before you leave in future.

me: I did. that’s why I finished on time.

colleague: okay, but in future you need to check your folder at finish time. I covered for you.

me: there was nothing to cover for. all you did was protect the moron who was allocating the work but can’t read a rota.

colleague: in future you need to make sure your folder is empty.

me: I did. what the fuck are you on about.

colleague: I’m just saying, in future [etc]

too much kafka-esque madness for this grey and miserable a Monday morning tbh,


Somebody’s adjusted my chair while I’ve been off sick for a week. I’m thinking of getting HR involved.


do not fuck with someone else’s wheels/office chair, that’s my motto

Woman in my office wears a really heavy solid silver bracelet which bangs off the table every time she types.


Had this at an old job. Total pricks

the cleaner pulled my monitor cable out a minute ago

I sit near a large cupboard/tiny room that people like to use for personal phone calls or private work calls. There is someone who when they’re on a half an hour call, will walk in and out of this room about 30 times? Just the sound of the door opening and shutting makes me want to rip my eyebrows off.


we have three (3! tres!) people who’s first move is to take off their shoes and let their disgusting donkey cheddar foot odour waft around the office.

scum, subhuman scum.

Here is a MASSIVE fucking one to kick this thread off, get yourselves ready for bewildering levels of outrage.

Been a lot of builders rejigging the office building I work in the last few weeks. Most recently, they refurbed our toilets, which surely can only be a good thing. Last week, they were finally finished and we got to start using them again. However instead of there being two toilet cubicles as before, one of the toilets has been replaced with a fucking urinal.

That means that the 40 or so male co-workers here all now share one fucking shitter while the other cubicle has a single-occupancy urinal in it. The shitter has seemingly been almost permanently occupied since this happened, and any time you are dropping one, the door handle will be tried two to three times while you’re there. This will be done in a passive-aggressive way, as you can clearly see the door is locked from the outside. Scares it all right back up there it does.

I literally cannot see a single benefit to the replacement of a multi-functional toilet with a urinal. However what happened today turned this stupid decision into a feeling of betrayal. I found out this change was made at request of the CEO. What the actual fuck!?

The workmate who revealed this nugget of betrayal suggested it was done because they toilets would often be left dirty. This still makes absolutely no sense. If I’m the sort of deviant who pisses on the seat, having one less cubicle is not going to make me change my ways. If anything, it’s more likely to make me increase the scope of my protest mechanism.

To make matters worse, I went up to the toilets on the unoccupied floors in this building and they’ve taken the fucking doorhandles off. Made me want to piss on the door.


all I can see here is an opportunity to be the first person to take a squat over the urinal and become a workplace hero


This is a beautiful turn of phrase.


Being able to poo in peace is a basic right of the worker. I’d protest for change.


this is precisely why I’ve disciplined my sphincter to curl one out only during my personal time, e.g. the evening. I should wager you’ll find more satisfaction if you do the same, knowing there’s little chance of interruption because you’re on your throne in your domicile, king of all you survey.

I’m hard pressed to think of a single occasion when I’ve had no choice but to purge in the work toilets, and god willing i’ll never have to make such a decision.


Might want to see a doctor mate. That doesn’t look at all normal


the fan in the office gets stuck and makes this noise about every 15 seconds

The cleaner always leaves my mouse turned back to front, so for a few seconds in the mornings after a clean I think my mouse is malfunctioning.


Oh man the OP winds me the fuck up. Get this so often

"You did X"
“No I didn’t”
"Well in the future make sure you don’t do X"
“I KNOW?!!!?”


Whoever painted our office on Friday took all my stuff off the pinboard and left it on my desk. (inc pins). I have chucked it all in the bin. Plus it fucking stinks of paint in here.

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Someone’s fan, laptop or other device makes a noise that sounds like tinnitus. Haven’t yet found the source of the noise. No, it’s not actual tinnitus

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