World's Hardest Nan

How hard is/was your Nan?

Tell all in this exciting thread.

@jazzballet will judge whose Gran was the roughest and the toughest.

She’ll award special bonus points for tattoos, motorbikes and the carrying of swordsticks.

(Let’s keep it light, this is meant to be fun).

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Representing me in this contest will be a one-eyed chain-smoker with a ridiculous amount of tea towels.


One resisted the nazis as a teenager and the other shared a local with the krays. Hard nans


My still alive Nan is an absolute fucking wimp.

My dead Gran was nails. Used to cause tears by brushing our hair too vigorously when we went to stay with her (26 we were etc)

My great-Nan was ludicrously tough though. Lived to 93 at which point she had her fifth heart attack, recovered, gave a do-not-resuscitate order for if it happened again, had another heart attack, recovered without any intervention before another one eventually finished her off. Was a big fan of winding up my great-Granddad, used to regularly go round to find her singing “I know a song that will get on your nerves” to him. Poor bastard.


not hard at all, breaks all her shit up every time she falls over

i’d DESTROY her


Never met any of my grans or know much about them. Great Gran was a gun smuggler though in the fight against the brits when they were at it.


How many tea towels they got?


German nan has no tea towels as she is dead. English nan may have some tea towels in storage somewhere but has no need for them as she is in a home and doesn’t have to dry dishes, and tea towels would probably be provided if she did

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Grandma (deceased):
Raised on the mean streets of Coatbridge in Glasgow, and then Burngreave in Sheffield. Wouldn’t take any shit. Got the wooden spoon out if anyone misbehaved. Hit a nurse in her latter years. Don’t know if she was ever in a fight, but saw her verbally (sometimes very racistly) abuse many a person. Reckon she’d have handled herself. 8/10

Put up with an abusive alcoholic shithead of a husband for years. Calmed him down by surreptitiously feeding him one of her anti-depressants a day for TWENTY YEARS. When she finally came off the pills he had serious withdrawl symptoms. He never found out. Also used to feed him sleeping pills when he was mega pissed so that he’d conk out on the sofa and not cause her or her kids any harm. She’s 86 and still has a drug dealer. His name is Smelly. Double-hard bastard nan, I reckon. 10/10


Gran (mum’s side) - probably technically hard as nails because by all rights her lungs should’ve given up years ago from 60 years of chain smoking, but she just carries on living. She’s also horrible to my mum, despite by mum being the only person who really gives a shit about her. Haven’t seen her in years, not sure I’m cut up about this at all.

Gran (Dad’s side) - actually really lovely so not tough at all. Haven’t seen her in years either but mainly cos I don’t get on with my dad. Woe.



My dad’s side of the family are like one generation up from the other side. So I sort of think of one of my aunts as my Nan. Not her sisters, just this one who felt Nan like. She lives in Tenerife if she’s still alive. Always reminded me of pork.

My granny joined the army at 18, lived in London during the blitz, got blown up on Lewisham High Street, was widowed at 30, brought up four children on her own and is still going strong at 97. Don’t know anyone harder.


Not very hard at all, but I have a picture of my most gentle and careful nan shooting a pistol. (She worked in a bank as a young woman and they had gun training)

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near, soz

Caribbean nan was very small in stature, but had a machete she used as a normal kitchen implement. I imagine she also waved it about threateningly when needed.


Yeah both level 45 barbarian goblin-raiders with hard bastard cleats and a range of rusty nail cardigans


my great grandparents’ wedding photo looks like a horror movie prop/mid 00s emo album cover.

hardness rating - will eat your brains


My dad’s mum died when he was 14. She spent time in India when she was young so we refer to her as ‘Peshwari Nan’

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Left one in the oven too long once, was completely inedible.

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