Worst date you've ever had (keep it light)

Me and my then boyfriend went to see Date Movie. It remains the only film we’ve walked out of. Just hideous.


Seem to recall as well that a lot of the ‘jokes’ were based on fatphobia and other awful stuff too.

I saw Date Movie at university, no idea how I ended up there but everybody seemed to be going. Wretched movie.

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One time my late friend Dave set me up on a date with his friend and she was well into sports and stuff and it was super awkward. She offered to give me a lift home afterwards but I just told her thanks but I’ll walk. Cringing thinking about it now.


Took a girl out in Leeds in January. We met at the uni and walked to North Street. She slipped and fell over on ice 3 times during that 10 minute walk.

For the record I think I did offer my arm for her to hold onto after the first fall but it didn’t help.



Probably the guy who was both an accountant and a magician and…triple threat: also “a fan”.

He asked me questions but talked over my answers the instant i opened my mouth and got me so wound up i shouted at him (don’t think I’ve shouted at another human in my life) and he laughed the whole time.

We’re married now.


Met up with a girl I had met the weekend before but couldn’t even remember what she looked like because I was so drunk.

It went pretty badly. Just a load of awkwardness all round. Bumped into a girl I fancied from school so that put an even bigger downer on it.

My date then grabbed me and pulled me towards her in the street for a snog and she started sucking my tongue really, really hard. I mean the whole thing. Was so sore.


When I was about 18 went on a date with a girl who I had met and got off with a few times out at our mutual friends gigs. Decided to do a proper date to see how we’d get on when it was just the two of us. I ended up getting drunk super fast, date really wasn’t impressed and I think I was throwing up in the toilets and needed to go home by about 9pm.

She quite rightly never contacted me again. I also never got that drunk on a date again either!


i remember this story from when you posted and it doesn’t fail to deliver on second remembering.


did you ever diddle her in the end?

This is still somehow not the worst anecdote I’ve read of yours.


I have been the shit side of a date, she was ordering double rum and cokes at £9 a pop and I told her I couldn’t afford to keep up the rounds



I’ve only ever had kind of bad first dates that haven’t led anywhere. Whenever it ends in a relationship I don’t go on a date with them, I just shag them. Clearly it’s not my personality that’s my strong point heh


So so many but the one I full cringe about was when I (in casual mode pulling pints) asked a woman out who came off as incredibly classy, elegant, demure. She was an Austrian violinist and just had attractive confidence to the level that I thought she’d given me a fake number.

It was real, and I for about 1 second felt like a prince, then immediately got full dread. Drank too much beer during the day while telling my pal about being nervous. Went home and suddenly thought oh god I need to be classy. So put on what was at the time my only (bad fitting) suit, a shirt that was wrinkled to shit (i owned no iron) and smart shoes that were scuffed as hell (no polish)

Showed up to this date in a pizza place looking like a terrified work placement kid, half cut on beer, rambled, watched her continued dismay for about half an hour, eventually couldn’t bear it, got up to ‘go to the loo’ paid the bill at the door for both of us and asked the waiter to let her know I was too embarrassed to come back.

She did about 3 months later bump into me in Greenwich and (fairly) ripped out of me for it, too. Terrible/good times



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Had one where she turned up tipsy cos she’d had work drinks and she had a bottle of wine in her bag that she’d nicked from her office, while we were having drinks from the bar she was also pouring herself some from the bottle but not offering me any. Despite all this I thought she was cute and I had no self respect at the time ( approx 3 months ago) so after a few drinks I told her that I thought she was cute but that I didn’t feel like she felt the same way about me, she just went ‘Nope!’ and I was like ‘Fair enough!’.

Then when I was getting ready to leave she said she was gonna stay and talk to some strangers who were also at the bar. For some reason I still went in for an extremely awkward hug before I left, she seemed surprised and didn’t reciprocate.

This actually seems much more mortifying written down than it felt at the time.


I know it’s hard to believe but I wasn’t always the woke-James-bond I come off as now


Nice referencing of your Internal Monologue, which is appropriate today, too.