This might be a bit of a long one.
Backstory: I was living in China at the time and me and a few mates had arranged a trip to a fairly remote local island for the weekend while our gfs took a trip to a nearby city for a weekend of getting pissed on cocktails in nice bars.
The night before the trip we’d all had a night out so the next morning we wake up with stinking hangovers from too much shitty beer. The plan was to get to the train station for 10.30 ready for a departure at 11. A couple of friends meet me by my apartment at 10. Unfortunately they hadn’t brought their passports (you need a passport to travel on internal trains in China) so they had to trudge back home to get them before we made our way to the train station to meet up with the rest of the boys. We get the train station at 10.45 to meet them and they’ve not brought their passports either. Fuck. We wait an hour while they go home to get them before we set off an a later train at about midday. Bit annoying but oh well.
The train journey is fine. We take a shitty bus to the shitty port near this island and quickly some doubts set in. Everywhere is gloriously sunny except a dark low cloud hanging grimly over the island we’ll be visiting. Hmmm. We get on the ferry regardless and soon we’re on the island. Unfortunately as soon as we step off the boat the heavens open and a tropical downpour soaks us. We were planning on heading to our hotel straight away (a mate knew someone who could hook us up with mates rates for accommodation on the island). Problem: the only transport on the island is motorbikes or shitty golf cart style mini buses with open sides. So we piled onto one of those and got absolutely fucking soaked.
We show up, drenched, at the hotel and it’s honestly like the fucking Shining. Completely dead but also cavernous and creepy. We speak to reception and it turns out not only can’t we get mates rates, it’s also 3x more expensive than we thought it was. Way out of our budget. So we leave and try to find alternative accommodation.
At this point by the way our gf’s are sending us messages about what an amazing time they’re having getting sloshed on lovely cocktails. We’re wet and homeless.
The search for accommodation was not pleasant. The first hotel looked pretty dilapidated. The golden rule with hotels in China is always ask to see the room before you pay for it. So we check out the rooms and sure enough there is thick black mould covering most of the walls. We veto it on the grounds it should be condemned.
The second hotel seems weirdly fine… we check out the rooms and everything is normal. We dump our bags and set off out for food and beer as by this point its like 7pm and we’re starving.
Food options look limited. Everywhere is distinctly dead and there isn’t anything recognisable on any menu. We take a punt on the best looking place. We go for the simplest option (a noodle broth thing). It arrives complete with dead baby cockroaches swimming in it. One mate spots the dead insects in his bowl and immediately goes to the bathroom to throw up. He later states that his vomit increased the overall level of hygiene inside the toilet.
We go back to the hotel because they sold instant noodles without cockroaches and have a few beers while playing cards. At some point we started to get pissed in our rooms instead. I went in the bathroom to take a piss. Cock in hand, I see a HUGE spider (leg span almost equal to hand + fingers outstretched) behind the toilet. I fucking HATE spiders so I freak out and run out of the room. My roommate for the night Matt goes, “I have to check it out”, takes a long and promptly bottles it when he sees the size of the bastard. Up steps our friend Alex who, armed only with a shitty flip flop as a weapon, goes into the bathroom and like a madman, closes the door behind him.
We have no idea what’s going on in there at this point but all we hear is the thwack, thwack of flip flop on tile. Matt and I are looking at each other thinking, “who’s winning the fight?!” and thankfully the door opens and it’s Alex who walks out having beaten down this monstrosity.
We give up on the day and turn in for the night. Not sure I slept much though as I was paranoid about the massive fucking arachnids patrolling around the place. Anyway, that was day 1. The next day we cut our losses and fucked off home almost immediately. Complete waste of a weekend. The girls had a good time though.
The short version is: went on a lads weekend. Enjoyed delays, tropical storms, mould infested hotels, the worst food I’ve ever eaten and horrible creepy crawlies. Would not go back.