You are at a shit local alternative night circa 1998 to 1999

Pubs still close at 11. You have to go here or go home and be bored. They don’t bother to check your id.

(Sorry to anyone who messed up and was not born in the correct year for people to be born, which is 1985.)

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They will definitely play this. Someone will spill a cheap alcopop on you.

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Ah, Metro’s

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I was only 7

Foster’s Ice will be £1 before midnight

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you’ll take a shandy and be pleased about it

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Ooh look at you fancy big city boy.

Some of us had to go to the King Arthur Hotel and hide bottles of lambrini in the bushes. (Later upgraded to the Manor Club which had some kind of weird flooring that would leave purple stains on your trousers and shoes)

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The bouncers turn a blind eye as long as you’ve got an older brother to vouch for you

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There is a brand of alcopop which you never see for sale anywhere else, which is also £1.

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Boy am I optimistic for that handsome young Tony Blair and his new programme of robust social reforms, I can’t see anything going wrong in the next twenty years.

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VK or VS?

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Those are the fancier option. Strobe.

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oh that’s alright

is it just Red Stripe or nothing then?

No they have a weird brand of alcopop that is called Strobe that I can find no information about online.

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Yeah, sure I look 15 but have you seen this photo copy of my oassort stating my age to be 19, a full year older than i need to be. I’ve been coming for years. Now play me some Offspring. Fine, if you won’t give me Come Out and Play, at least give me

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The DJ has three C90s to see him out for the evening. He changes them annually

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that’s okay because I’m at most 11 years old and I think beer smells of wee

one alcopop please!

People would get annoyed if the songs they were expecting come on in a different order than expected

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I have a Snapfax so it’s “2-4-1 ON FOSTERS, STRONGBOW AND VODKA MIXER!!!”

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I was born before 1985 and even the worlds most lazy bouncer wouldn’t let me in anywhere before 2001 and only if i was very, very lucky

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