you are in queue position ___

right then; when on hold and they say “you’re in queue position 1”

does that mean you’re standing in position 1, behind someone else who is currently being seen to

or

in queue position 1 is that you’re the person about to be seen and there’s no one in front of you

1 person ahead of you imo

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It means you’re the next person to be seen. Otherwise there’d be no queue.

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next to be served imo

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^this

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What’s the difference?

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One

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Two

Three

Eight

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This, the second you’re being seen you are automatically no longer a part of queueing

Position seventeen. Fuck off. There has to be a better way of getting anything done than listening to six bars of looped music for 40+ minutes to be told you’re speaking to the wrong department then disconnected by mistake.

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Had an NHS ninth circle of hell setup where you call the number, listen to the slowest recital of some general info you can’t skip, then select a department, which then took you to the queue if you were lucky, or just defaulted to some robot voice telling you the queue was too long and it would just automatically hang up. The pain to just get to the bit where it auto hangs up was worse than any ailment.

But enough about my music career

(I actually spent some time working for a small label/publisher and one of the clients was a library music guy whose work I had to listen to and catalogue/tag, so I literally did spend a very long time listening to a lot of looped phone music and thinking ‘Is this epic? Is it emotional? Is it … Yes, it is corporate, let’s tag it as corporate.’)

there is a zeroth position in the queue. that is the person currently ahead of you, being served

they have to be part of the queue, for if they weren’t then there’d be no position to be queuing behind

The best is when they take a piece of forgettable but somehow intensely irritating dance-adjacent pop music that reached number 34 in the charts and loop that indefinitely. Looking at you Australia’s Optus Mobile.

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I have the ones for our local council, HMRC, and TalkTalk (CURSE THEM) pretty much permanently available in my head. Great times. I can’t remember if it’s HMRC or the council but one of them has a track in the rotation that sounds like a knock-off of the Countdown theme, which adds a little extra tension when you’re calling to discuss your horrible poverty debt.

I love to hear that version of Africa that starts out like sha-sha-sha-sha-sha before going into the melody. Like, limber up! Shake it out! You’re gonna be here for a while

if there’s someone in front of you or not