You can ask your pet three things

Questions for Suke the cat

  • Do you like me? Like, actually enjoy my company, or I am just a supplier of food and fuss?
  • Can we agree on an interstitial indicator that you’ve had enough stroking? Something to go between purring and biting?
  • Why do you get so scared around other people?

oh no, wait, make the last one “can I ask three more questions?”

You don’t want the answer to number 1


I have a feeling our cat thinks their name is ‘treat’

Seems a bit tortuous to the poor lad

I get very firm warning licks and furious tail wagging when it’s time to stop

I would appreciate the honesty either way.

Can you arrange some kind of training?

This isn’t an infinite wishes type sitch, pal. Don’t try and beat this system

  1. Could you please wait till after 7am to wake me up each day?
  2. Why must you only like the top of the range food?
  3. Where do you think I’m taking your poop?
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  1. When is it ok to scatch your belly? Sometimes you seem happy about it and other times ready to skin me for going anywhere near it and I’ve no idea what changes.
  2. 6am is breakfast time. Will you accept that and stop dancing on me at 4am until I have to get up and kick you out of the room?
  3. What’s the deal with you and the cat next door? I can never tell whether you’re friends or not and she keeps trying to come into the house. No idea if you’d be cool with that.
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who’s a good boy
who is it? is it you?


Questions for Nina the cat?

  1. Why don’t you meow?
  2. How old are you really, and what was your life before I got you from the RSPCA?
  3. Finally, not a question, but a thank you for being kind to Jimbo as a baby (except for those times you jumped into his cot) and putting up with him as a toddler. Great family cat action.

Questions for Winnie Freddo the cat and Princess of my heart

  1. When we go away, we’re always coming back, is there anything we can do to reassure you of that?

  2. I love you so very, very much and it’s really sweet when you sleep snuggled up next to me on the bed but walking across my pillow in the night and sleeping with your butt on my head is uncomfortable, please can you stop? Can you just not?

  3. Are you and Pixie pals now? What about Munro?

  4. Were your old family mean to you or are you just a jerk?
    (I’m a rule breaker, a rebel)

  1. do you think in barks
  2. what colours can you see
  3. rosa parks vs local indian?


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Little shit would definitely lie to me though. He’s a cat.


I won’t ask her if she loves me or even likes me or just tolerares me or who she loves more out of me and Avery as I am too scared of the answer.



  1. Stop?
  2. Please stop?
  3. Who’s a good boy?

fuck, marry, kill: airbud, beethoven, marley

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