(if you’re not in work yet you don’t need to come in)
For the rest of the week, every night you’re going to have- and I don’t use this term lightly - powerfully erotic dreams about Piers Morgan. The kind of sex dreams that really stick with you. The kind that make you look at someone in a whole new light. You might end up genuinely fancying him.
- Ooh yes Piers, I’m your pathetic little millennial snowflake. Offend me, Daddy!
- What the actual fuck is wrong with you
Can’t believe you all love work so much tbh
Got to ‘powerfully erotic dreams’ and thought ‘yessss! I’m finally getting to go home from work now!’
But what the actual fuck is wrong with you?!
Not at work today, might now have to go in as a precaution against this happening…
I’m imagining that in one of the dreams, Susanna Reid is watching from a safe distance and it isn’t clear from her expression which person she despises more.
i’ll do anyhting notto have to work today
no this is too much for mee
He probably gets quite red in the face, doesn’t he.
Isn’t his default colour already gammon?
Was hoping this thread was going to be “You can go home from work now if you got really hammered watching the cricket yesterday and could really do with a lie down”.
Well that could be how it starts I suppose. Then Piers comes into the room dressed in a replica cricket kit and making suggestive comments about sticky wickets.
Hard to tell under the studio lights.
I opened this thread thinking, “I am not in the mood for this work lark at all - I doubt there’s any stipulation I wouldn’t agree to for a day off right now.”
So well played for finding my limit on that. I’ll stick with work and keep my fingers crossed I have a dream about clubbing PM senseless with a crowbar for 8 straight hours instead.
Love that we’re not even being asked to have actual sex with him and yet still no one can bear to face even imaginary sex with PM.
I’d be fine with a one-off dream, or even one a night for the week - but the idea of it having long term effects that might continue after that … I’ll do my 8 hours and just suffer.
What if you could go home from work now IF you nipped into the loos and successfully rubbed one out while unflinchingly staring at a picture of Piers.
- Way ahead of you
- Seriously, what’s wrong with your brain
God, dont bring Boris into it now