You beat your boss at a wrestling match in a paddling pool filled with jelly (lime) and baked beans (cold) in front of the whole office. Attire will be those things they wear in Gladiators (not the Russell Crowe one). If HR ask, say it’s for charity and get a fiver out of them for your troubles.
LET’S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUMBLEEEE
This is some weird sploshing thing for you isn’t it, you big weirdo (no)
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Normally I’d say no to any of these that involve public spectacle, but in this instance I’ve got a height advantage, a weight advantage, and would really rather be at home playing Fire Emblem.
My boss is American so I guess there’s the off-chance that he did wrestling in college, but on the other hand I don’t like him very much so I’ve got that to fuel me. Feeling pretty confident actually.
I had to do something like this the Christmas before last.
We had our office Christmas party in the office, we’d just moved into the building so a whole floor was basically empty, we set up a stage and various people formed bands and played songs, then someone DJed, lots of booze, etc. A small section of the night was given over to a quiz, which my team won (naturally). My prize? I was lead to another floor where there were two sumo suits and crash mats on the floor, and told I had to wrestle the CEO. It was like something out an anxiety dream. The CEO is quite a macho dude who claims to value outspokeness, so I had to put up a fight, but he’s also a screaming toddler so I didn’t actually want to beat him. It was hell. We tied the first two rounds, then after a protracted shoving session in the third, I did a slick side spin and left him to crash to the floor. I don’t think think we’ve spoken since.
My three least favourite things in the world are grime or grot or dirt on my skin, violence, and being the focus of attention, this is a nightmarish meeting of the three. I might have a nightmare about this tonight.
