…reckon it’s actually that person’s ashes in there or do they just take some off a big pile? My theory is that they have a chart by a person’s weight so they know how much to put in from their stock; 10st = 3 scoops, 15st = 3.5 scoops and so on.
- Each urn contains the actual person’s ashes
- Big pile + scoop method
How dare you doubt the integrity of the funeralcare industry
They’re shifty and you know it.
put some nesquick in there
went for other as i just think they give you the previous persons. Not sure why, i just think cremators (?) would find it humorous
Remember when Nicole Richie dropped ashes on The Simple Life so they hoovered them up
Exactly what a shifty person would say. We’re on to you sister.
Yeah you go ahead and make an enemy of the people who prepare you for your crossing to the afterlife, see how that works out for you.
My family have my instructions already; take whatever organs you want to donate and then simply leave me out for the dustmen.
Without meaning to be a Debbie Downer, I think this thread is a little insensitive.
FUNERAL PERSON: Well there’s your beloved relative
SCRUNTON BEXBY: what the fuck this sucks he had bones before
FUNERAL PERSON: you watched him burn
SCRUNTON BEXBY: we only had him cremated because we thought it’d be the best way of burning the skin off so we can get to the bones which are fuckin cool - fuck, man. ugh
FUNERAL PERSON: I’m very sorry. Will you be taking the ashes home anyway
SCRUNTON BEXBY: fuck it might as well. But you listen here, I’ve got my three kids in the car and they’re going to be distraught that they’re not driving back home with a big mad skeleton and I’M going to have to tell them
FUNERAL PERSON: I’m sorry sir
SCRUNTON BEXBY reluctantly leaves the crematorium
FUNERAL PERSON: hahahaha (opening his vault) little to they know, I keep all of the bones
he is building a giant skeleton out of lots of bones - like a megazord but of bones
FUNERAL PERSON: a megazord of bones
GERSHON, MERSHON and FRANK look very disappointed
FRANK: DAD you are so embarrassing everyone else at school is taking a skeleton to the school disco
SCRUNTON BEXBY: If everyone else told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it
MERSHON: Probably some bones down there not a bad shout
SCRUNTON BEXBY: Actually you’re right, let’s haul ass to the old quarry - salvage some sweet sweet corpses
GERSHON: And they’re going to be old drifters from the 40s - you’re the best dad ever
FRANK: Way better than stepdad
SCRUNTON sheds a tear silently in the front seat
so selfish, think that would require an extra collection requiring a fee and some admin from the family. . You monster!
They also have the option to have me taxidermied.
flay you then stuff you…nice! sign me up!
things it would be funny if the funeral home director did
Put up a sign saying, “you don’t have to be dead to be cremated here, but it helps!!”
later that night…
BULLY: Heh heh oh look it’s Nerdshon, Nerdshon and Nerd Frank heh heh bet their POOR dad can’t even afford skeletons
BULLY’S SKELETON: Har har har
MAISY (Gershon’s crush) joins in
FRANK: Hey pals, got some fellow students for you to meet
Three cool SKELETONS march in in 1940s bedraggled drifter clothes and do a dance party like the fucking minions or some shit
“DON’T NEED MONEY DON’T NEED FAME DON’T NEED NO CREDIT CARD TO RIDE THIS TRAAIIN”