Your end of year twats

Imagine posting this as your Facebook status. What a world.

How much of a narcissist are YOU? I mean, what are YOUR end of your stats?

Kilometres cycled: 9111 (and counting)


I can really boost mine by classing the Basque Country and Catalonia as seperate countries

One my mums old friends moved to Cornwall years ago when I was a kid.

Every year my mum receives a “Family newsletter” from this woman, which basically just goes on about how fantastic her life is. It’s excruciating bad.

Here they are


The name of their new start-up, obviously!

Just add more letters!

Brothers pushed over: 1

Fucks given: 0


Weddings attended: 5

Hats worn: 2

Haggis toasties eaten: 7


:airplane: Flights taken - 12
:earth_africa: Countries visited - 4
:muscle: Days worked - Dunno, like 200 or so?
:atm: Money earned - Not enough! :wink: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
:thinking: Time not at home - 32%
:male_couplekiss: Amount of wanks - 123
:anchor: Wonderful Drowned in Sound memories - Too many to count :heart:
:running_shirt_with_sash: Distance run - 300km
:poop: Shits taken - Upwards of 400
:spy: Acts of espionage performed against the UK Government for the Russians - 0
:jeans: Jeans purchased - One pair
:crystal_ball: Offerings to pagan Gods - 0
:spider_web: Webs of deceit woven - 4 or 5
:flag_white: Surrenders - 0
:b: - Number of B’s in this post (not including this line of the post) - 0
:ballot_box: Times I’ve woken up to terrifying election results - 2
:ferris_wheel: Trips on Ferris Wheels - 0
:clock7: Time spent working on this post - Too much


State of this…


i just went to those top 4
4 flights i think including next week

:wink: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Full days worked:

365-weekends = 261
261-annual leave = 241
241-bank holidays = 233
Working day = 8/24 hours
Therefore 233x(8/24) = full days worked.



Alright Jason Donovan

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wow I’m an even bigger failure than I thought.

Thanks DiS…time to close browser

Fights given up: won’t

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