your worst attempt at chatting someone up

was in a nightclub with my mate one night and we were dancing with a couple of girls, he seemed to be getting on really well with this girl until she suddenly turned round and stormed off, taking her pal with her

turns out that as they’d been dancing she’d taken his hand and mentioned how big it was, for some inexplicable reason he’d thought it would be a good idea to tell her she also “had really big hands, big man hands:zipper_mouth_face:


Asked someone who was sitting down for a dance, they said yes and stood up. I said “Christ, you’re tall!”, they looked extremely unimpressed, and it didn’t get any better from then on.

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In retrospect they were probably already aware that they’re tall.

I have literally never chatted anyone up


same here, seems really dishonest

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I don’t think it seems dishonest. I just can’t fathom how anyone is able to do it.

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booze mostly i’d imagine


is giving somebody a compliment about how they look or dress or something chatting them up?

“Fancy a snog?”

(context: I had to do this as a forfeit for some kind of drinking game at uni, during my short-lived attempts at trying to fit in with the LADS who lived in my flat at halls)

Not necessarily, no

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Probably explains why I’ve been completely unable to do it at any stage of my life

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Tilly & the Wall gig
Leeds Cockpit
Dancing with a girl at the back, jokingly said “we should have this as our first dance at our wedding” she looked mortified, i said “it was obviously a joke” she said “i don’t think it’s funny” I went back to my mates


can’t think of a worst at the moment - all of them seem to blend together in a mess of awkward convo due to being in a noisy nightclub and / or discovering that we had a language barrier (happened a lot in the london nightclubs I went to as a student)

Oh no jesus that’s not anywhere near the worst one, the worst was being absolutely battered and spotting someone on my course who I’d fancied for ages but had barely spoken to on my way out of the Union. Spent a good five minutes trying to persuade her to come back to a (genuine) after party at my house and she was so lovely and nice about telling me to do one, until eventually I got literally dragged away.

Next day I got the I can’t believe you did that etc from my pals, and I said come on it wasn’t that bad, I was perfectly polite wasn’t I? They said well yeah but her boyfriend was sat right next to her the whole time looking like he was going to lamp you, that’s why we dragged you off.

Didn’t even notice him.


My mate: (calling across the street) Evening Ladies!
(Said ladies look over and contemplate crossing the road)
Me: We’ve got pizza…
(Ladies walk off)


can I come on your tits mate?


Why did the ladies cross the road?
Because @noahvale had pizza!


My pal is the all time great at non-sequitur chat up lines. He was down visiting me in Cambridge and he saw two women waiting for a taxi near a bar that’s on a moored boat. He saunters over and says “were you two ladies just on the party boat?” They said yes. He didn’t have a follow-up and just slunk off.

No idea what the plan was there but I don’t think that was it.


why only last saturday I started chatting someone up by where they had a big jug of water at the bar and just poured it immediately all over my arm, great effort

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needless to say, it poured cold water all over the situation eh, hahaha