Which ways would you have been seriously injured today, had you been the protagonist of a safety video?
I poked a crumpet into the toaster with a knife
When I returned from the dead I leaned right over my chai pot on the stove, far far too close to the flame
Crossed the road wearing headphones without properly looking
Walked up an escalator on the tube while saving my Minecraft world.
Skipped a red light whilst cycling home from the school run
I left the butter open while cats were skulking about.
Luckily I caught her before she stuck her head in there, but there’s every chance she could’ve contaminated the butter with toxoplasmosis and I would’ve eaten it none the wiser and fucking died.
Used some chemicals without any protective equipment.
Threw my Frisbee into an electricity pylon and climbed up it to retrieve my Frisbee
perfect username for this thread
Cycled across damp tram tracks
Driving fast while drumming on the steering wheel
Slouched at my desk.
(The health and safety video will be filmed over a few decades)
Walked two bouncy lead-pulling dogs on wet grass wearing shoes with completely worn through soles.
Walked downstairs whilst looking at my phone (several times)
Stood on tiptoes on the edge of my bed to adjust the ceiling lights.
ate an out of date sandwich
Poured some concentrated sulfuric acid into a beaker
Stubbornly ignored and swiped away my phone’s notifications to stop looking at it while walking down the street.