You've decided to become a serial killer


• what is your calling card / signature?

• how long do you think you’ll realistically get away with it?

Me, I struggle with planning on a day-to-day basis, I can’t imagine I’d do very well at getting away with doing murders. Seems like a lot of effort.

A great thread.


Think it’s best I keep my ideas to myself here, just in case I become a serial killer in the future.

Don’t want someone to read back on this thread and give my game away.


My calling card is getting overpowered by my victim and immediately being caught.

I would get away for it for 0 minutes.

  • a really bad, lingering fart

  • I’ve learned today that I can’t manage even a tiny bit of corporate espionage without fucking something up, so I reckon I’d be caught within 15 minutes of the first killing

  1. Dress the victims up as a Full Kit Wanker
  2. Depends on whether it was random victims or those known to me.


• Calling card would be something so unrelated to my life, using a weapon that’s nothing to do with my lifestyle, sourced from somewhere nothing to do with me but in rich supply. So rope for fishing nets from Hunstanton or etc.

• You can see how much i’ve already thought about this. For all you know I’ve already killed a whole load of people.

See you soon


Because I cycle down the canal everyday I reckon I could easily dump a body in there and it not look suspicious.



got to be random. only way to give yourself a shot of not being caught


Ah it’s not just me that’s struggling with embedding videos today then. I’ve made a thread in site feedback.




Was trying to post the clip from IT Crowd about Moss’ serial killer signature style…


My calling card would be a photocopy of my passport. I would never be caught.


“If it really was me, do you really think I’d be stupid enough to leave a copy of my ID at every crime scene?”

Fair point, you’re free to go.




Oh and cheers for setting up the feedback thread!


I’d poke my cock and balls back between my legs and dig a well in my basement.

Other than that I haven’t thought it through


calling card -
i’d leave this after each murder, probably just gve my victims a good stabbing

think i’d get away with it forever - different locations - random victims - maybe just once a year


I reckon they can DNA a fart nowadays.

See you in court.


When I was doing journo training we spent a day with a retired CID officer who’d done loads of high profile murder cases. He told us that the two key things for getting away with murder (or, as he would rather think of it, making it far more difficult for them to solve the case), were a) Not to know the victim, since most murders are done by someone the victim knows, which immediately gives you a pool of suspects, and b) do the murder outside somewhere, because it makes evidence gathering infinitely more complicated.

So based on this knowledge, I’d be sorted.


apparently it’s also ‘better’ if it’s spur of the moment/when a moment arises. Tonnnns of people have been caught because even if it’s someone they don’t know they’ve stalked them for an hour or two before. Which means they’re on cameras absolutely fucking everywhere