DMs, how do/would you feel about players doing private chats and calls to discuss a campaign? Quite a while ago a player asked to make a private channel for players to discuss things and I didn’t want to be a dick so I said it was fine, after all, free world etc. Apparently they use it a lot for planning things or theorising.
I said last week I couldn’t DM because I’d be at a hotel but I’d be free for a call if anyone wanted to hang out or play games. Then yesterday the same player that requested the channel messaged to say the players decided they’d do a call without me for “planning” and so if I saw them all on the call that was why.
It has kind of upset me a bit and I haven’t responded to it. It just feels like an adversarial approach, like they’re trying to catch me out / off guard. We’ve been playing this campaign for two years now, almost every week without fail, but it feels so transactional a lot of the time. Like I’m expected to put all the effort in but not be part of it.
I know a while back @Peanutbuttertoast you talked about enjoying seeing your players talk about theories and the campaign, but I never do because they don’t want to share it with me. I just feel quite deflated and demotivated
It also makes me question myself as a DM. Do they think that I will try to put blockers in if I know their plans? I don’t think I’ve ever done that, at least not knowingly. It’s really the opposite, if I know their plans I can try to build things in that will help them succeed.
We have a separate chat in WhatsApp for discussing things that the DM isn’t in (“Vecna Tactics”) and he is, aware. Part of that is a bit “talk to the bear first” where the act of actually talking it out makes it clear it’s a nonstarter before we bother bringing something up in the main chat.
But part is just because we quite want to surprise him with a tactical choice. He has a habit of feeling the need to sort of ‘confirm/rule-out’ things for us if it’s in the main chat and so it’s more fun to be more in the dark. It’s only used when we are in the middle of a puzzle/combat between sessions.
Yeah, I can see how it would feel like that. Mine don’t have a private channel in server so they do a lot of open theorising usually while still km call at end of session or afterwards in the general chat and then I know they’ll talk to each other, but like one to one rather than a group. My plots aren’t super complex though, I don’t think compared to the level of yours.
I think like Theo says, it isn’t a negatove reflection, more they respect the complexity of what you are giving them.and the challenge so need to habe the advantage of planning on their side.
I do understand how it feels a bit lonelier that way, more adversarial than co-creators. I think a lot of people do play it more that way and I don’t know the best way to approach saying that isn’t the way you like it
I’ll just let it go, I think this just caught me a bit off guard. I know it’s good that they’re interested, it just feels like I don’t get to see any of that. Probably just me being needy though.
