POTW time

[whiterussian]

Nominations with links, plz.

[NoahVale]

Forgotten any horses recently?

The one that used to pull the brewery cart. I forgot about dray

[Flashinglight]

Help Laelfy Sleep

Sometimes count sheep and I imagine them jumping over a fence but for some reason a few years ago a farmer appeared in that mental image and started chucking a bucket of water at them as each sheep jumped over and now he’s always there too. Sort of punctuates it, like “one sheep, splash, two sheep, splash,” etc. This is really boring isn’t it I actually lost interest myself half way through

[japes]

i came here to suggest that one but since you’ve nominated yourself i now can’t vote for you and hope you lose

cheers

[NoahVale]

[NoahVale]

Shall we just give the prize to wormit and go to the pub?

[Raanraals]

^This one.

[ma0sm]

Great Replies of the week

DiS LGBTQI+ Thread!

happy bi visibility day everyone, hope you all had a wonderful day if it’s your thing. we took the nephew out today, talking to him about school and that (he’s 13), asked him if he had a gf and he said no, asked him if he had a bf and he said no, said you know it’s fine to like boys right? and he’s like yeah of course, and we said you know it’s fine to like girls right? and he was like yeah course, and we said it’s fine to like both too! and he was like yeah i know! shut up s…

DiS LGBTQI+ Thread!

Today my line manager is in the process of telling 30-odd mostly Daily Mail headline quoting types I’m trans. I would guess by now the whole transphobia bingo sheet has been ticked off. Then again, they’re currently at work and I’m sat here so [20180924_113436]

Happy monday

IT’S A GIRL!!!

Might get the train home at lunchtime to pick up my phone charger

That was it pulling in, made it! I’d like to thank everyone for their support.

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

Around the world around the RUdolph. — TheoGB

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

A man walks into a bar. As he’s ordering a beer, he happens to glance down towards the other end of the bar and see a man with a big orange head. As the bartender brings his beer, the man asks him, “What’s with the guy with the big orange head?” The bartender chuckles. “Yeah,” he says, “That’s a helluva story, alright. Why don’t you go buy him a drink, and maybe he’ll tell you about it.” So the man walks over to the guy with the orange head, introduces himself, and offers to buy him a beer. Th…

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

So there’s this kid who absolutely loves tractors. Cannot get enough of them, he’s got a tractor duvet, tractor wallpaper, all his toys are tractor based and he cannot wait to reach the age where he can finally take his tractor driving test and devote the rest of his life to using tractors as a job. He’d be doing what he loves, what kind of work is that! Anyway, many years later and the big day had finally rolled round. The lad got out of his (tractor duvet covered) bed with a spring in his ste…

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

Was walking my dog through a graveyard at dawn. Lovely crisp day, beads of fresh dew on the grass, beams of sunlight coming through the branches of the trees as my dog was running through the old churchyard. Saw a guy crouched down behind one of the gravestones and shouted ‘morning!’. He said ‘no mate I’m just having a shit’

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

It’s a Barry Cryer one: A man gets on a train and sits down opposite a little old lady. As soon as they leave the station, she takes a bible out of her handbag and starts to read it intently. When they arrive at the next station, she marks her place and tucks the book away, but remains seated. The train pulls away, and again she takes the bible out of her handbag, finds her place, and continues reading, only to put it away when the train pulls into the next station. The train pulls away, and ag…

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

Another one: A guy was driving out in the country when he saw a sign saying ‘Talking Dog for Sale.’ He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard. The guy went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there… ‘You talk?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ the Lab replied. ‘So, what’s the story?’ The Lab looked up and said, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the police about my gift, and in no time at all they ha…

Tell me your favourite joke OF ALL TIME

Also a Barry Cryer joke. A woman goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The man says 'this ones on sale cause it used to live in a brothel and its language is pretty bawdy. The woman says ‘that’s fine, I’ve got two teenage daughters, I’m used to it’ She takes it home and it looks around and says ‘ooo new room, very nice’ The daughters come home and it says ‘ooo new room, new girls very nice’ Her husband comes in and the parrot looks around and says ‘hello Alan’

[Antpocalypsenow]

Luton Airport

Been to Luton once. Stayed in a budget hotel near a pub called The Sportsman. Knocked on my boss’s hotel room and asked to borrow £100. He only had his boxers on and made me sit through a full episode of You’ve Been Framed before handing over the bunse. Weird as fuck. Went to an Irish pub and drank until we were sick, missed work and had to get a train home. Horrendous. Sacked.

[ghostpony]

I’m just glad to be nominated tbh

[whiterussian]

These are definitely too many for me to put in a poll

[ma0sm]

Maybe sack off the joke ones as they’re not original material?

[andyvine]

just give it to kermy

[ma0sm]

It’s either that or bugduv’s one tbf

[jordan_229]

This un for me

[marckee]

This one made me chuckle

If you say spicy, mean it

I remember being very sceptical about how hot an extra hot Nandos would be on my very first visit. Ended up having to sit at a bus stop for 20 minutes as I thought I was going to shit myself.

[whiterussian]

Sorry pals, I’ve gone rogue and awarded it to @LastAstronaut for this because it made me laugh:

Show Me Your Flange

All complaints to be mailed to Sean’s home address. Poll version back next week.

[ghostpony]

Wtf!!!

[Flashinglight]

Surely as this post was made after this week’s nominations started it shouldn’t be eligible until next week?

[whiterussian]

Hmm maybe, it’s still this week though? We never really went through this in detail