The time for noticing tennis is approaching

OK I know barely any of you care, but I’m going to go ahead with this anyway.

So tennis then. Clay season is drawing to an end with the Rome Masters this week. Nadal will win it. Then there’s the French Open. Nadal will win that too. Then there’s Queen’s and Wimbledon.

Hot topics in tennis at the moment:

No Super Serena since she’s off working on becoming the all-time number one mum. So some no-mark is going to win the two biggies [Note to shrewbs to insert the names of the no-marks for me.]

Sharapova comes back from her drug ban, gets called a cheat and then smacked down on court by the ever newsworthy Bouchard. Now the French have taken a moral stand by not even letting her in qualifying. She’ll be eligible for Wimbledon qualifying, but they will cave and give her a main draw wildcard, because they’re craven.

Racist Nastase is racist, and made our brave Jo Konta robot engage her tear protocol. Konta robot on course to complete Roland Garros and Wimbledon procedures within acceptable parameters.

World number 1 Sir Andy Murray replaced by World number 50 Andy Murray for the duration of the year so far. Cue much talk of “Lendl won’t stand for it” nonsense in the next couple of months as he donks out of the French and then probably gets thrashed by Federer again at Wimbledon.

Djokovic gone full fruit loop and fired his whole team. But shit mental Djokovic still better than Sir Murray at the moment.

Federer in very very thinly disguised attempt to hide the fact that he intends to throw the kitchen sink at winning another Wimbledon title. Incredibly another Federer v Nadal final looks likely even now.

Nadal to retake number one from Murray and put him out of his misery some time over the summer.

Have I missed anything? I can’t lie I’m still looking forward to all this.


I don’t have all that much interest in tennis other than Wimbledon but I have to say I really enjoyed reading your OP Col, lovely stuff.

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The Coldplay of sporting events

(Wimbledon, that is)

L’EUF! DEUCE! :heart: :sweat_drops:

Thoughly, utterly, truly, madly, deeply, LOVED Bouchard beating Sharapova. Fuck her.


I’d say more the Rolling Stones of sporting events. Same old set list, everything looks a bit old and worn out, but still basically pretty good and the old favourites still do the trick.

I’d say probably the FA Cup final is now the Coldplay of sporting events. Somehow it always happens, people pay to watch it, and sort of seem to enjoy it, but you wonder why.

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It’s great how it’s given all the women players the confidence to be openly horrid about Sharapova. We should get some more good quotes in the next couple of months.

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I’d question the “basically pretty good” part for anything tennis related.

I’m mainly looking forward to hearing Kader Nouni say “deuce” a few times.


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Fair dos. I guess people who go to Coldplay gigs really like Coldplay, however weird that may seem, and similarly the fact that I take a week off work every year to sit and watch Wimbledon all day might be viewed as a bit unfathomable to some people too.

That said I welcome all comment here, especially from people who DGAF about tennis, because otherwise it’ll just look like I’m ranting to myself.

Yeah, exactly this. Flowin’ prose.


Not been following Murray but know his form has dropped. is it:

  1. mental
  2. technical
  3. fatigue/physical?

A combination?

Just feels like this should be his moment and for whatever reason he’s completely fucked

Well it won’t be fatigue, since he’s hardly been overloaded with matches. Basically he had shingles earlier in the year, which probably mucked about with his pre-season prep and early season performances. Then he got the elbow injury which mucked up his serve.

So he’s probably still not terribly match sharp. Lately he’s been starting matches really poorly and losing his serve a lot. He might well be right that all he needs is a decent run in a long-format tournament like the French where he can afford a couple of slow starts.

But it could easily be something else. Tennis players are notorious for hiding injuries, possibly even from themselves. He could just be on the slide. The mental factor must be in there a bit too. It’s quite phenomental to think that barring four major titles (Australian, French, Indian Wells and Monte Carlo) he has achieved every other significant milestone in the game, and that has to bring a bit of a let down psychologically. Consider that Djokovic may well follow up being the first holder of all four majors since Laver by becoming the first to fail to defend four in a row.

I’d fancy Murray to look better at Roland Garros and probably do OK at Wimbledon. But I wouldn’t fancy him to win either at the moment and there are dangerous opponents who could knock him out of both early on.

I’d say I’m generally a fan of sports, and will quite happily watch most sports when they’re on TV. I love going to the cricket and spending 9 hours watching not really that much happen. I’ll sit and watch an AFL game on TV if I’m bored. But I absolutely cannot stand tennis, I dunno what it is in particular about it but I just don’t get it. It’s really weird.

Alright, Richard O’Brien.


it took an enormous effort for murray to get to being number 1, and staying there is probably even harder

that combined with injury etc… yeah it’ll be an absolute miracle if he wins wimbledon this year

My zenlike predictions going great so far! Sharapova decides not to apply for a Wimby wildcard and Thiem steps it up and puts Nadal out of Rome. Zverev through too, a resurgent Del Potro playing Djokovic soon and this tournament might hold some interest.

Roland Garros is gonna be so messy, can’t wait.
Hope Nadal somehow doesn’t win and we get a total clusterfuck on both sides

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don’t really trust Halep but she’s playing as well as she has in a while
Kiki Mladenovic is having a great year and is one of the few French players who actually seems to benefit from a home crowd
Muguruza is streaky af but the player to beat if she can sustain this form