OK I know barely any of you care, but I’m going to go ahead with this anyway.
So tennis then. Clay season is drawing to an end with the Rome Masters this week. Nadal will win it. Then there’s the French Open. Nadal will win that too. Then there’s Queen’s and Wimbledon.
Hot topics in tennis at the moment:
No Super Serena since she’s off working on becoming the all-time number one mum. So some no-mark is going to win the two biggies [Note to shrewbs to insert the names of the no-marks for me.]
Sharapova comes back from her drug ban, gets called a cheat and then smacked down on court by the ever newsworthy Bouchard. Now the French have taken a moral stand by not even letting her in qualifying. She’ll be eligible for Wimbledon qualifying, but they will cave and give her a main draw wildcard, because they’re craven.
Racist Nastase is racist, and made our brave Jo Konta robot engage her tear protocol. Konta robot on course to complete Roland Garros and Wimbledon procedures within acceptable parameters.
World number 1 Sir Andy Murray replaced by World number 50 Andy Murray for the duration of the year so far. Cue much talk of “Lendl won’t stand for it” nonsense in the next couple of months as he donks out of the French and then probably gets thrashed by Federer again at Wimbledon.
Djokovic gone full fruit loop and fired his whole team. But shit mental Djokovic still better than Sir Murray at the moment.
Federer in very very thinly disguised attempt to hide the fact that he intends to throw the kitchen sink at winning another Wimbledon title. Incredibly another Federer v Nadal final looks likely even now.
Nadal to retake number one from Murray and put him out of his misery some time over the summer.
Have I missed anything? I can’t lie I’m still looking forward to all this.